The thought sits on my mind for a moment as I try to wrap my head around it, then before I can help it, laughter explodes from my chest. He just glances over at me with a confused glare, until the corner of lips lift.
“You are so wrong for that,” I force out through my amusement, pulling chuckles from his previously stoic posture. “They absolutely should’ve done that.”
“Right? I thought it was genius.” We let our humor die down, easing into only heavier breaths and small chuckles. Then a weight falls on my chest.
“Are you done hating me?” I ask softly, knowing how dramatic that question is, but that’s what it’s felt like recently. We’ve gotten extremely close over the past few months. I don’t want to go back to that questionable space between us.
“I could never hate you, Ash. I’m not mad at you…just the world, I guess.” He looks back down at the floor. “That doesn’t give me an excuse to be mad at your happiness, though. So, I’m sorry for that.”
“You have every right to be angry, though. I know how much you loved Taylor…” My eyes start to burn, so I look away from him, too. “I’m sure all of this is hard to watch.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to act like a dick.”
I just shrug, because while it sucks, I understand it. I was so furious with the world for so long that I have scars from those feelings. It’s not something that just goes away, and if anyonecan understand the effects it has on everything around you, it’s me.
“You’re not going to hateher…” I rub my belly, “are you?” My voice cracks, despising the thought. Zeke snaps his head over to me, darting his eyes to my belly and back with furrowed brows and an unbelieving snarl to his lip. I slowly turn my head to match his stare, needing to see more of him than just in my peripheral.
“Why the fuck would you think that?”
“Honestly?” He nods back at me, urging me to continue. “I see how you are with Elizabeth…and I know you don’t like kids.” I look back down at my stomach, unable to help it. “I know you think they’re annoying and loud…and I know I can’t make you be a big part of her life if you don’t want to, but I was really hoping you’d want to be… You’re a great brother. I wanted to see you be a great uncle, too…” Tears sting my eyes and I try to bat them away quickly, but he grips my chin and forces me to look at him before I can.
“Ash, of course, I’m not going to hate her. It might take some getting used to, but I’m going to be good to her.” He releases my chin softly, but I don’t dare look away. “I may not normally like kids, but I’m definitely going to love this one. That’s my niece, for fuck’s sake.”
He runs his hands through his hair, then looks to the ceiling like he’s hesitating. His throat bobs with a harsh swallow.
“Damien told me not to bring this up until you did, but I think we’re at a place now where that’s okay.” I nod back at him, wanting him to keep going. “I wasn’t there for you when we were kids,” he starts again. “I mean, it’s not our fault that we didn’t know about each other, but still…knowing what you went through fucks with me…” His eyes fall closed and he takes a deep breath. “I’ve been afraid to say something, because I didn’t want to upset you…” He pauses. “But I want you to know that if Iwas there, Ineverwould’ve let them hurt you.” He finally turns his head to look at me again. His eyes are filled with regret that shouldn’t haunt him, showing true colors that he triessohard to hide.
“I know…” I smile gently at him and wipe a tear away before it can fall. Leaning into him, I rest my head on his arm, because despite our shared genetics, I’m short as hell like our mom and he’s tall as fuck like our dad. I take a deep breath in and let his soothing aura take over. It’s crazy to believe that someone else made of the same shitty DNA I was cursed with could be so comforting.
“And I'm not letting anyone hurt her, either.” He lays his hand on my stomach for the first time since the crash, and it only amplifies that relaxing, brotherly warmth. “I missed your childhood, I'm sure as hell not missing hers.” I nod softly, knowing he means every word. “But don't expect me to change any diapers.”
I laugh again, leaning into his body as it shuffles with amusement.
“What about when you babysit?” I ask innocently, and jokingly, but I don’t think he realizes it. He pulls away and jerks his head over to look at me.
“Babysit?” His eyes widen. “Unsupervised?” I laugh again, catching Damien’s amused look as he watches us from the long line at the snack table. “Plus,” he whispers, “I don’thateElizabeth. She isn’tsobad… I just don’t think she should be looking up to someone like me.”
“What?” I ask, taken by surprise. “Why would you think that?” He just makes that ‘pssh’ noise and jerks his head back.
“Please, have you met me?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Sure have, and for what it’s worth, I think she’d be lucky to look up to someone like you.”
Zeke just purses his lips and looks away, unable to accept the truth. I take another look around the room, aweing at all of the ‘baby Hartley’ signs and mentions. My heart sinks again, and the world comes crashing down around me.
“We haven’t even come up with a name for her yet…” I whisper in realization. A tear drops from my eye, instantly sending my brother into a panic.
“Hey, it’s okay. You still have plenty of time, Ash.”
My bottom lips trembles.
“What kind of mom doesn’t have a name picked out?”
Zeke turns in the showy throne to face me.
“Have you thought about it?”
“Of course I have. Damien and I have talked about itsome, but nothing really seemed right…”
