Annika took the note from me, glaring at the card as I stood there frozen. “If she thinks she can earn your forgiveness like this, she has another fucking thing coming. She hurt my best friend. She’s lucky I don’t fucking kill her myself.”
“Babe, breathe,” Drew said, gently taking her wrist.
“No!” Annika hissed. “She doesn’t get to do this. I don’t care if she is the big bad alpha leader of this fucking town. She could be the goddamn president and I wouldn’t give two flying fucks. She hurt Kadence, Drew.”
I turned and walked back into the living room and grabbed a blanket. Annika was fast behind me, sitting down on the couch and letting me curl up next to her, resting my head in her lap. She removed the claw clip from my hair, her nails grazing against my scalp. Soft words of comfort fell from her lips when she felt my tears seeping into her sleep pants.
In all my years of flings and dead-end relationships, I’d never felt the constant need for a person. Even now, she was the only person I wanted, even if she was the reason for this. Was this what love felt like? Even in the light of agony? I really fucking hated these emotions.
CHAPTER 9
BLAIZE
Ihammered the worn punching bag repeatedly until I felt my knuckle split, but I kept going. The self-mutilation is the least I deserve. I hurt Kadence, triggered her to the point she was retraumatized from her assault. My life was spent protecting and saving innocent people from the same fate Kadence lived through. She was sold, raped, and almost fucking killed by the leader of a gang. I was moments away from doing something I would regret later if she didn’t have a fucking panic attack.
My mind was flooded with anger and grief by Layla’s death and Fallon’s injuries. Fallon coded multiple times. She was clinically dead for almost five minutes before they got her back. Brain damage was possible, but she needed to wake up before they knew anything. I was in the same mindset I was in five years ago after I watched Olivia and Charlee die. A void—nothing but rage and the need for vengeance seeped through my bones.
Everything that was happening in my town and territories was my fault. My reign in this town caused enemies, enemies who watched me like vultures from the quiet shadows. The same enemies who witnessed my interaction with Kadence, who saw how she got under my skin and got stuck in my head. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize my feelings for the blue-hairedvixen who stumbled into my town. Everyone could see how she affected me, except for me, apparently. The thought of being in love again chilled me to the bone; the fear of being that vulnerable again made me act irrationally. It’s an excuse I was using to make myself feel better.
When my fist ached to the point that air caressing it left the split skin stinging, I stopped, walked to the bench, and cleaned the wound. Hurting myself like this was nothing compared to what I did to Kadence. I knew if Hunter or Hawke walked in here to see the self-mutilation, Hunter would kick my ass, and Hawke would pay her to do it again. Even angry, Hawke wouldn’t lift a finger to hurt me. He was torturing himself for hurting Kadence. His wife was in a hospital bed, barely holding onto life, and he still thought he deserved to be struck down by his God. He was ready for Fallon to wake up so she could ream him and subject him to her own personal form of torture.
My phone vibrated with an incoming text. I wanted it to be Kadence or Drew telling me to come over, even though I knew it wasn’t. Instead, it was Cross. Normally, he was in the shadows, dealing with tech or security shit like Hunter, but with Hawke, Sin, and Ranger all grieving, Cross was fourth in line to take the lead. He hated it, but he did the job well.
Cross
We got a problem at the shipyard.
Me
What is it?
Cross
Shipments were destroyed. Symbol was left behind.
Me
I’m on my way.
Three more shipments were destroyed,and now I had several angry men aiming for my throat. I couldn’t do anything because we’d been distracted, but I already had Hunter organize another shipment with more potent drugs to replace the ones destroyed. I made arrangements to have some of Damon’s men watching the docks when it arrived to ensure no one destroyed it. I couldn’t deal with this right now. The aftermath of Layla’s death, on top of fixing what I did to Kadence, had knocked me off my game. But whoever was trying to destroy me didn’t care about breaks or life.
“Let the men know we will have something for them within the week,” I informed Cross. “Damon is sending two dozen men to help with our patrols. Whoever this is has already infiltrated us, but now we are distracted and mourning.”
“I know, boss. I’ll do damage control,” Cross agreed, typing away on his phone. “How’s Kadence?”
“She’s…” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “She’s healing. I fucked up.”
Cross gave me a reassuring squeeze. “It’ll all work out, boss. Kadence is a little spit fire. I don’t think this will break her beyond repair.” I hoped not.
“I’m keeping my distance for now.”
He arched his brow. “The Blaize I know would take what she wants.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. If I hadn't reacted before thinking, maybe this would have been avoided and I could have her, but I was selfish and wanted her to fall to her knees like Iwas a confessional. Everyone said I should take what I want, but that’s exactly how this mess started. This time, getting what I wanted wasn’t an option. I think I could love her. Something was already growing between us, but I destroyed it. Even if Kadence loved me, she had to be the one to choose me, to forgive me.
“This time it’s not my choice,” I told him.
“Well, I have faith in you two. She’s good for you. You just need to accept it.”
