“Whether if what I’m feeling for her is real or not.”
Claire’s second dart hits the triple twenty. “You mean you’re afraid you only like her because you’re living in the same house?”
“Something like that,” I mutter.
“Come on. You’ve been taking her out on these… adventure dates to help her with her writer’s block, right?”
I nod and throw another dart, knocking one of Claire’s off the board and onto the floor.
“Well, it makes sense with you spending all this time together that you’d start having some kind of feelings.” Snatching the dart from the floor, she pins me with a look. “You’ve slept with her, haven’t you?”
I nearly choke on my drink. “ Jesus, Claire?—”
“That’s a yes.” With a knowing smirk, she throws her final dart. “So, what’s the problem? The way you two were all over each other at the party, it was pretty obvious.”
“Yeah, we’ve slept together.” I down the rest of my whiskey. “Multiple times.”
“How was it?” Lizzy grins wickedly.
“Jesus Christ.” I scrub a hand over my face. “I’m not talking about this with any of you anymore.”
“That good, huh?” Jax chuckles.
I turn to glare at him. “Who the fuck’s side are you on?”
“The side that wants to see you stop being a moody asshole.” He signals the waitress for another round. “Look, man, I’ve known you for over a decade and I’ve never seen you like this about anyone.”
I down the rest of my whiskey, reveling in the warmth as it burns its way down my throat. How do I go about explaining that I’m questioning my entire existence?
“Like what?”
“Happy,” Claire cuts in softly. “For the first time since I’ve known you, you actually seem happy. Aside from tonight.”
Her words hit me hard. She’s right. I have been happy. Happier than I’ve been in years.
Lizzy pipes up again. “Are you scared?”
“Of course not,” I snap. “Sorry. I just...” I rub the back of my neck. “I just need to know if my feelings are genuine.”
“Why do you think your feelings aren’t genuine?” Lizzy raises an eyebrow.
I sigh. “What if I only think I care about her because of our current situation?”
Claire throws her hands up. “Ride, that’s literally how all relationships work. You meet someone, you spend time together, you develop feelings—especially now that you’re sleepingtogether. You should’ve known that would take everything you’re doing to a whole other level.”
“But what if?—”
“Nuh-uh,” she interrupts. “You’re seriously overthinking this. Do you miss her?”
I hesitate, then nod reluctantly.
“When you think about her, does it make you happy?”
Another nod.
“When you imagine your life without her, how do you feel?”
The question hits me hard. Just the thought of never seeing Noia again twists something tight and painful in my gut.
