By the time we call it a night, I’m exhausted but still wired, listening to Logan’s snores drift from his bedroom while I lie awake on his surprisingly comfortable pull-out couch, staring up at the ceiling. My mind won’t shut off, cycling through the same thoughts over and over.
Lizzy is somewhere out there right now. Probably less than a mile away. Sleeping, maybe. Or working on her art. Or curled up with some guy who gets to see her smile every day.
An unexpected surge of jealousy makes me cringe.
It hasn’t been easy keeping thoughts of her out of my head over the years. But being back home, back where we collided so many times, makes it impossible to keep those memories at bay.
I remember the sweet softness of her lips from our first kiss in the treehouse. The stubborn fire in her eyes when I came back unexpectedly half-way through senior year. The way she looked at me that night in her bedroom. The same night everything changed between us… forever.
four
There’ssomething to be said about that first cup of coffee in the morning. My taste buds tingle in reaction to the tantalizing aroma as it wafts under my nose. I stayed up way too late last night throwing paint around, and I need a jolt of caffeine like it’s my last fucking breath.
Sleep has eluded me off and on for the past few weeks; ever since girls’ night when Sasha made us watch one of Rowan’s rom-coms.
Losing Ro changed everything. Especially me.
I check the time on my phone and let out a soft curse. Slash, my ten-year-old grumpy green iguana’s daily feeding is fifteen minutes late. When I glance over at him, he’s giving me the evil eye from his terrarium across the room.
“I know, I know,” I mutter, abandoning my coffee to fetch his breakfast. “Hold your horses, you spoiled little monster.”
As I prep his morning greens and calcium supplement, my mind trips back to the summer after Rowan left. God, I was such a mess.
I can still see Mom and Dad’s faces after they called Logan and I into the living room. They were sitting on the couch,expressions grave in a way that made my stomach drop before they’d even said a word.
Picking at a loose thread on my jeans, I wait for one of my parents to speak.
My dad’s voice is gentle but serious. “We have some bad news. Rowan’s parents...” He pauses, exchanging a look with my mom. “They were killed in a plane crash on their way home.”
The whole room tilts sideways. Logan gasps beside me as my throat tightens.
“Rowan had to leave suddenly,” Mom adds, eyes shining with unshed tears. “He’s going to live with his grandparents…” She clears her throat. “…in Ireland.”
Voice cracking, my question bursts out of me, “But why didn’t he say goodbye?” It doesn’t make any sense. We just shared our first kiss a couple of days ago, and now he’s just... gone?
She reaches for my hand. “There wasn’t time, sweetie. DCFS showed up early this morning. He’s staying with a foster family for a couple of days until his grandparents pick him up. We’re not allowed to have any contact with him right now.”
Logan rubs the back of his neck, confusion etched across his face. “Why couldn’t he just stay with us?”
“Unfortunately, even though we were good friends with his parents, we aren’t listed as next of kin,” my dad sighs, rubbing his hands together nervously. “It’s the law. He has to go live with blood relatives.”
All Logan does is nod.
“That’s not fair!”
My mom tries to pull me into her arms. “Sweetie…”
Shoving her away, I jump to my feet, run upstairs to my room and slam the door so hard a picture frame falls off my wall, smashing onto the floor.
Three months later, I overhear my twin brother on the phone with Rowan, laughing.
“Why doesn’t he ever want to talk to me?” I demand after he hangs up.
“I don’t know, Iz,” Logan shrugs. “Anytime I ask if he wants to talk to you, he always says he has to go help his Grandma or some shit.”
What the heck? One amazing kiss and suddenly I wasn’t even worth a simple goodbye? Wasn’t even worth talking to ever again?
After that, something in me just... broke. I went from playing with frogs to wearing black clothes and combat boots.
