“Exactly.Before. I don’t know you anymore.”
“Look, Iz. I just wanted to say I’m sor?—”
“Nope. You don’t get to just waltz into my room, into my life after all this time. Not only speaking to me the way you did earlier, but acting as if you didn’t blow me off all these years. Not once since you’ve been gone did you ever ask to talk to me. You only kept in touch with Logan.”
“I was just a kid?—”
“No!” I stomp across the room, and get in his face. “You were mybest friend,” I whisper-hiss. “My best friend who gave me my first kiss!”
Rowan’s eyes flicker with guilt before they close, and he sucks in a deep breath. When he opens them again, they’re void of any emotion.
“It was for the best.”
“Seriously? For who?” I take a step back, crossing my arms in defense.
I know it wasn’t his fault he had to leave, but he was the one who made the choice not to speak to me afterward. Even though I tell myself I don’t give two shits about him anymore—or how hot he is. Not to mention how his deep, smooth voice makes me shiver—I almost regret the words that tumble out of my mouth next. Almost.
“You know what would befor the best?” Rowan doesn’t say a word; he just looks down at me with emotionless eyes. “If you would just leave me the fuck alone.”
I barely catch the twitch at the corner of his eye. “Fine. If that’s what you want.”
“Yup,” I seethe. “That’s what I want.”
He takes a step back, slowly raking his gaze over me from head to toe and back again before he turns and walks out the door.
The next few months of living in the same house with Rowan is like walking on eggshells. No longer the sweet, happy boy I used to know, there’s a darkness in him. A darkness I now recognize all too well. Darkness that could only stem from deep-seated loss.
Spending most of my time struggling between feelings of hurt and wanting to climb him like a tree, we interact with each other only when necessary, speaking only when it’s unavoidable.It’s not until six months later that he finally finds his way back into my bedroom—and my heart.
nine
SIXTEEN YEARS AGO
Lizzy’sharsh words echo in my head, each syllable another twist of the knife she shoved into my gut. I deserve her wrath. I know I do. Still doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.
“You know what would befor the best? If you would just leave me the fuck alone.”
A sharp contrast to the gentle way she was speaking to her pet, murmuring quietly as she poked around in its glass house as she fed it. For a split second, I caught a glimpse of the girl I used to know. The same girl who collected bugs in jars and knew the name of every frog species in the pond behind her house.
Then, when she turned around and saw me, all that softness vanished, replaced by a wall of ice so thick I doubt even a blowtorch could melt that fucker away.
Rising from the bed, I cross over to the window and look out at the backyard. The massive oak tree still stands sentinel in the corner, its branches swaying gently in the evening breeze. And nestled among those branches, barely visible in the fading light, is the treehouse.
Our treehouse.
My throat tightens as memories come flooding back. Endless summer days spent hidden away in our sanctuary, just the two of us. Of comic books and whispered dreams of the future. Of one particular day when everything changed between us.
At twelve years old, I was awkward, gangly and had had a crush on my best friend ever since I could remember. A crush I couldn’t shake no matter how hard I’d tried. I remember the way the sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting speckled shadows across her face as she read. How my heart hammered against my ribs when I finally worked up the courage to ask if I could kiss her.
The surprise in her eyes, followed by a whispered yes and a shy nod. The soft press of her lips against mine—gentle and innocent—was over much too soon.
I close my eyes, letting the memory wash over me only for a moment longer before pushing it away. I can’t afford to think about it right now. Not when we’re going to be living under the same roof for the rest of the school year.
The fact that Logan made me promise to ease into interacting with Lizzy because she’s been through enough causes shame to flood my veins. If he’d known what I’d said to her only minutes before he came to talk to me? Dead meat would have nothing on me.
I know the last thing she needs is me messing with her head. But just the thought of not interacting with her the way I want to makes me feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest.
And seeing her again, knowing she’s just down the hall? I’m not sure I can keep that promise. There’s something about Lizzy Cade that’s always drawn me to her. So much so that, when I was gone, it felt like a piece of my soul was missing.
