She straightened and turned for her bar cart. “Keep talking, best to get the hard part over with so we can get to the damage control. What did you do, exactly?” I think it might have been mercy on her part that she kept her back to me while I struggled with my confession.
“I bonded with Lucifer.”
She spun around, full glass in hand. “Is that all?” She laughed, pressing a palm to her chest. “Goodness, you had me worried.”
“What are you talking about? I’mmatedto the literal devil.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“And that’s not a big deal?”
She took a sip of her drink before sitting on the edge of her desk. “Darling, it’s a boon. A mated man is an ally, not an adversary. Even if he wishes he could be.”
I opened my mouth to argue the point, but found that I couldn’t. I finally opted to ask for clarity. “So what are you saying?”
“Think about it. He can’t hurt you now. Not even if he wished to, which I highly doubt he would, given that the bond will make him naturally inclined to care for and protect you. But for the sake of argument, even if he needed to hurt you to accomplish his lofty apocalyptic goals, the long and short of it is, he simply cannot.”
“But I can’t hurt him either.”
“No.”
Her calm acceptance had caught me off guard. I’d expected her to be upset that I could no longer aid in the fight, but she seemed almost pleased about this turn of events.
Lilith might be pleased, but I knew four others who definitely would not be.
“What do I do about the horsemen? They’re going to be pissed.”
“They’ll see the benefit soon enough.”
“Do you think they’ll be mad that I accidentally brought someone else into our group?”
“I don’t think accident is the right word for this. I think it’s fate, and one thing those men understand better than anything is fate.”
“I only just got them back. I’m not sure my heart can survive another rejection.”
She stiffened, one brow lifting at my words. “What do you mean, another?”
Oops.
“It’s a long story, but in the past now. No need to rehash it.”
“Hmm,” she hummed, but I could tell she wasn’t fully convinced. The last thing any of us needed was my aunt avenging my honor and standing off against the horsemen. Iwasn’t certain they’d survive the encounter, and I was pretty attached to them.
Them . . . and someone else.
Guilt weighed heavily on my heart as silence stretched between us. I knew very little about her past with Lucifer, but she’d always been clear about her dislike of him after their falling out. I admired Lilith. The last thing I wanted was for her to be disappointed in me.
“Darling, I can see you agonizing over something. Tell me what is on your mind. The time for secrets between us has passed.”
“It’s not just a forced bond and fate bringing us together, Auntie Lilith. I... want Lucifer. I want him to be mine. I don’t despise him even though I should. I crave him the same way I do the horsemen, and now that we’re apart, it feels like he’s missing from me.”
“And this is a problem, why?”
I laughed at the absurdity of her question. “Because this is impossible. The horsemen will never accept him. They see him as the enemy.” Another bubble of hysterical laughter escaped. “Everybody does.”
“For now, but only because that’s what he’s been to them since they found you. He has never been what one might call a team player. As for everybody else”—she lifted one shoulder in a graceful shrug—“fuck ’em. He’s your mate, dearest. The only person whose opinion matters is yours.”
My heart squeezed with apprehension at the idea of coming clean to my men. Lucifer knew about them, how much they meant to me, but they had no clue of the depth of my connection to him.
