“So you tested me like I’m some kind of experiment.”
“Yes.”
“When I refused to take the drive, when I stopped responding to their messages—what then? Were you going to tell me, or just keep the manipulation going indefinitely?”
Good question. One I don’t have a satisfactory answer for.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I knew I should tell you. Knew keeping it secret made everything between us a lie. I just—” I stop, searching for honesty. “I was afraid.”
That stops her. “Afraid of what?”
“Of losing you. Of having you look at me exactly the way you’re looking at me right now, like I’m something you need to protect yourself from.”
Janice crosses her arms, and I can see her rebuilding walls I’ve spent months carefully dismantling. “You should be afraid. What you did was unconscionable.”
“I know.”
“You violated my privacy, manipulated me, set up an entire operation just to test whether I’d betray you.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t even have the decency to apologize for it.”
“No, because I’m not sorry.” I hold her gaze despite the fury building there. “I’m sorry you’re hurt. Sorry the method was cruel. I’m not sorry for needing to know if you’d choose me when you thought there was another option.”
“That’s not how trust works!”
“I don’t know how trust works.” The confession comes out rougher than intended. “You’re the first person in twenty years I’ve wanted to trust, and I have no idea how to do it without insurance. Without proof.”
“So you spied on me.”
“Yes.”
She stares at me for a long moment, then sinks back into the chair like her legs won’t hold her anymore. “I chose you.”
“I know.”
“Even when I thought you’d never find out. Even when I had the perfect opportunity to take what they wanted and walk away free. I chose you.” Her voice breaks. “Do you have any idea how hard that was? How many times I told myself I was beingstupid, that you’d never give me the same loyalty I was giving you?”
“I do now.”
“Do you? You already knew the answer before I made the choice. You knew I’d pick you because you made sure there was no real alternative. The external drive probably didn’t even have what they wanted on it, did it?”
She’s too perceptive. Always has been.
“No. It was bait. Fake financial records designed to look legitimate enough to pass initial inspection.”
“So even if I’d taken it, even if I’d given it to them, it wouldn’t have hurt you.”
“It would have told me everything I needed to know about where your loyalty actually lies.”
Janice laughs again, and this time it’s not bitter. Just exhausted. “You’re unbelievable.”
“I know what I am. The question is whether you can live with it.”
“I don’t know anymore.” She meets my eyes, and I see the conflict written plainly across her face. “I love you. God help me, I do. But I don’t know if I can trust you after this.”
The words hit harder than the bullet did.
