I swear her to secrecy, not quite believing her promise. But I’ve had some champagne, and I have no one else to tell. Ineed someone who can help me interpret the confusing mess that was my nighttime encounter with Leks.
I blame the champagne for the way that the details start spilling out of me. By the time I get to the part where I thought Leks was going to kiss me, Vera has propped herself up on her elbows, the champagne sitting forgotten on the floor.
She bites her lip. “He didn’t kiss you?”
I shake my head. He did not kiss me.
He offered to take my virginity in a way that made heat pound through my veins. He said it like it was an inevitability, a matter of when rather than if. But he did not close the inches between us and kiss me the way I wanted him to.
“We haven’t kissed since the wedding.”
Vera’s mouth falls open a little.I feel a little bit proud that after all her crazy stories, she’s truly hooked about my uneventful encounters with Leks.
“And do you want to?”
I give a nod. “Really bad. I want to really bad,” I admit. “It’s not normal, is it?”
She shakes her head. “Not for your average guy, Natalia. But for Leks? Maybe it is.”
I have to know.
“Have you kissed him?”
“Oh, honey… I told you that wasn’t anything. I meant it. If we kissed, I doubt either of us remember it. Like, at all.”
I take another swig of the champagne as I explain the rest of last night’s conversation. Vera’s glossy purple lips fall open.
“He was so… surprised. I feel like there’s something wrong with me.”
“You’ve seriously never orgasmed?”
I shake my head, my face flushing.
“Oh my fucking God. You’re so innocent, Natalia. No wonder you’re driving him absolutely crazy.”
Vera doesn’t say it like it’s a bad thing. I honestly think nothing I could say would shock her.
“He asked me so many questions. I felt like a zoo animal. It was… excruciating.”
I struggle to find the words to explain it to Vera. How I wanted something more than what had happened, but I felt so frozen at the same time.
She raises her pencilled eyebrows. “Excruciating in a bad way? Or excruciating in an ‘Oh no, my husband is obsessed with me’ way?”
My face flames. “He’s not obsessed with me. He’s just… I don’t know, amazed that our lives have been so different. Curious, I guess.”
“Curious about your virginity. Mhmm.”
Then she narrows her eyes and stands up, offering me a hand with businesslike efficiency. “I know what we need to do.” She arches an eyebrow at me. “You draw, right? You have art supplies somewhere?”
I nod, confused, and lead Vera into the studio which I have begrudgingly started using. I don’t want to admit that Leks was right… but there’s something freeing about being able to make my own art after so many years analyzing the details of other artists’ work.
Vera grabs a sketchpad and a charcoal pencil.
“Welcome to sex education, Natalia.”
And then she draws a diagram to make sure I know exactly what I’m doing.
17
