How do I know my judgments are right when I got that one completely wrong and lost my baby sister? Lost my baby?
She just turned you down, the voice torments, but in my fucked up mind, she could be playing the field, wanting me to fight with her, for her, so she could gain my property patch.
Okay, even I know how pathetic that sounds, especially when she’s currently proving Joel’s words right and her sole focus is the kids.
Ballet is her life.
“Okay, munchkins, follow my lead,” Drew calls, and I look up and watch with amazement as she shows the kids some fancy spin thing, not once looking my way and my chest tightens.
“What is your heart telling you to do?” Dad asks, “Forget about that bitch, forget about your cock leading you, what does your heart tell you? Because, son, when you fucked around with Toya, it wasn’t because you were in love with her. It wasn’t because there were feelings involved other than lust on both sides, what is your heart telling you about Joel's daughter?”
“That she’s mine,” I choke, full of fear.
Fuck, I haven’t even met her, yet those three little words feel like bullet wounds.
I meant what I said to Dad when I begged for his advice because I felt so fucking torn after Joel left. I do feel like she’s mine, I just don’t know if I’m ready to make someone mine. I don’t even know where my place is on this earth, I still feel fucking broken and riddled with guilt.
I still feel the need for a line to forget my troubles and beat idiots up.
I’m no good for her, yet the idea of not trying to get to know her—
Fuck, I’m confused.
***
“Okay, my munchkins, that is it for today,” Drew calls an hour later as she turns off the music. I swear I hear a few disgruntled moans from the moms, and I roll my eyes as one murmurs, “I was trying to psych myself up to ask him on a date…”
Fucks sake.
I shake my head subtly, so she knows I heard her. The woman huffs, but I don’t look her way, instead, I keep my eyes on my little bird.
“Near the door are bags with your names on them and with your assigned leotards for the show inside. Please make sure you grab them,” Drew says with pride, and I smile slightly as the kids all cheer, several running up to her, hugging her, and I have to swallow the growl of jealousy as my body tenses.
Shit.
I lean back with a sigh and cross my arms over my chest, ignoring the women still staring at me despite their kids getting ready to leave. I keep my eyes on Drew, watching as she helps the kids get their things while the realizations hit me hard.
I don’t want to just get to know her and fuck me, that feeling is scary as shit.
I bite my bottom lip watching as she gently tucks a piece of hair back into a little girl's bun with ease. Her ability to be so natural with kids makes my heart race, my stomach tightens, and the thought of her being round with my child makes my cock twitch confusing the fuck outta me because I don’t even want kids.
Double shit.
The whole hour I’ve sat here, I've seen her passion. I saw that focus her father mentioned, and even though she knew I was here, not once did she look my way. Not even when one mother tried to touch me, and I had to scoot down the bench seat slightly.
I saw her tense, but she never stopped in her stride, and fuck, it did something to me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I quickly check it, but I swallow seeing it’s my mom. I silence the vibrations as I have with all her calls since leaving before putting my phone back in the inside pocket of my cut. I look up to see it’s finally just us two.
Thank fuck.
“You sure you don’t want to join ballet?” Drew asks in the quiet as the front door shuts, “Because a grown man watching little kids dance…”
A chuckle escapes, I can’t help it.
I haven’t chuckled in years. Then, a few words from this amazing woman—suddenly, I found myself laughing again.
“You think you could teach this biker some tricks?” I ask with humor, and she smiles, her cheeks heating. I know she took my words sexually, making my cock twitch again with anticipation.
