I'll have to choose the organization, my father's legacy, over her.Don't I?
The thought of sending her away, of never seeing her again, of going back to the empty existence I had before she crashedinto my life—it's unbearable. Worse than death. Worse than anything.
"That's not an option," I say flatly.
"Then you need to end this war. Fast. Before the men decide to end it for you." Viktor's voice softens slightly. "I'm on your side,pakhan. You know that. But I can't hold them off forever. You need to give them a reason to believe in you."
"I will." I don't know how yet, but I will. I have to. "The meeting with Alexander Baumann. We're moving forward with it. Set it up for two days from now. A neutral location, just him and me and Liesl. Have men in the wings, watching, but not right there with us. I don't want him spooked."
"Are you sure that's wise?"
"No. But it's what she wants. And if I can end this through negotiation instead of more bloodshed, if I can prove to the men that I'm still thinking strategically—it's a risk. But it's a calculated one."
"And if it goes wrong? If Baumann betrays you again?"
"Then I kill him." My voice goes hard, the voice of the man I was before Liesl. The man I might have to become again if this doesn't work. "Either way, it ends. One way or another."
Viktor is quiet for a moment. "I'll make the arrangements."
"Good. And Viktor?"
"Yes,pakhan?"
"Keep an eye on Alexei. If he makes a move, if he tries to rally the men against me, I want to know immediately."
"Understood."
I end the call and stand there in the small bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I look like hell—dark circles under my eyes, new lines around my mouth, all these impossible choices etched into every feature.
I look like a man who's losing control. A man who's compromised. A man who's weak. The men are right to questionme. Iamcompromised. I am weak. Because I care about her more than I care about power, more than I care about the organization, more than I care about anything else.
And that's going to get me killed. Or worse, it's going to get her killed.
I need to figure out how to protect her and keep my position. How to end this war and keep my men's loyalty. How to have her and have everything else I've built.
I need to figure it out in two days.
The impossibility of it weighs on me as I slip back into the bedroom. Liesl is still asleep, curled on her side, her face peaceful in the dim light. She looks so young like this, so innocent. Completely out of place in my world of violence and betrayal and blood.
I should never have kept her. I should never have let myself fall for her.
But I did. And now I have to live with the consequences.
I climb back into bed and pull her against me. She murmurs something in her sleep and burrows closer, seeking my warmth, seeking my protection.
I'll figure it out, I tell myself. I'll do whatever it takes. And when it's over, when the war is finished and the threats are eliminated and we're finally safe—then I'll tell her. I'll find the words I don't have now. I'll figure out how to say what I feel, how to articulate this thing between us that's bigger than anything I've ever experienced.
I'll tell her I love her. When the war is over, I promise myself. When we're safe. When I can give her a future instead of just desperate moments stolen between spurts of violence.
Then I'll tell her everything.
For now, I just hold her in the darkness and try to believe that we'll both survive long enough for me to keep that promise.
23
LIESL
The morning of the meeting arrives, pale sunlight filtering through the barred windows of the safe house. I've been awake for hours, watching the light change from black to gray to gold that does nothing to make me feel warmer inside.
