He didn't flinch. "Beau. Please."
I shook my head. I had wanted to be the kind of man who stayed in the room. But I stood and headed toward the door.
Mom's voice came down from the chair.
"Beau, where are you going?"
I stopped and tried to make a word, but none of them came. My mouth was open, but there was nothing in it. Then I made my way out.
Suzanne put her hand on the rail of the bed.
"Let him go, Vivvie. He'll come back."
I heard her saying while I left.
I got to the car and drove, while my heart was crashing inside me.
The streets were empty. The city was winding down — yellow lights at the long avenues, no traffic, the windshield wet. I drove with both hands on the wheel and the radio off.
I couldn't go to my apartment, Mom's house, Cade's, or Theo's hotel.
I drove down Madison, across town, up the West Side, and back down it. I didn't know where I was going, how long I drove for until I was three blocks away. Then I knew.
I was going to her bar.
I didn't know what I expected to find. I knew when she got off. I'd asked her twice in the past two weeks when her shifts ended, and she'd told me both times. The bar would be closed for the night. She would come out the back door because that was the door she used.
I parked across the street and sat in the car.
I hadn't thought about what I was going to say to her.
Slowly I got out and crossed the street. I leaned against the brick wall opposite the door of Half Past, and the brick felt cold through the back of my coat.
I waited.
After some time, the door opened.
She stepped out — jacket, shoulders up, keys in her hand, the clip still in her hair. The bare bulb lit the side of her face for a second, and then she was past it in the alley and saw me.
She stopped.
I pushed off the wall and walked across the alley to her. I stopped a foot in front of her.
I raised both hands and cupped her face. My thumbs went to the high points of her cheekbones. Her face was cold from the bar door. The skin under my thumbs was warm.
She was looking at me, surprised.
I kissed her.
My mouth pressed on hers and held there for a count I didn't measure, and she didn't pull back, and I didn't pull back. After a few seconds, I stopped kissing her and put my forehead on hers and stayed there.
I closed my eyes.
"Fine."
She made a small sound — half breath, half question.
"Fine what?"
