“What?”
“I thought I could, but I can’t pretend anymore. It’s not worth it.”
“Jo, what are you talking about?”
“It doesn’t matter what I do; it’ll never change anything.” The ball of anxiety in my chest grows again, and it’s impossible to get my words out. “Being with you is only making it worse. It’s—” I hiccup a breath, tears gathering in my eyes, and I hear rustling on the other end of the phone call.
“Don’t move, Josephine. I’m coming over.”
I don’t hear the rest of his instructions because I let my phone slip to the floor, and I curl up into a ball, my mind scattered with memories of my childhood and more recent ones with Nico. Standing next to my sister for pictures and being told to smile like Lizzie. Being in the hospital room with Nico next to me on the bed, watching a video about pandas on his phone. Sitting at home alone on the night of my senior prom. Feeling Nico’s callused palm against mine when he holds my hand. Hearing Waylon’s apology when he said he didn’t love me back. Hearing Nico proudly proclaim to the world I was his fiancée.
Before I know it, he’s here.
Banging on my door, calling my name, but my eyes are so swollen and I’m so tired, I can barely stand.
“Jo! Are you there, Jo?”
Every step feels like a mile. Every breath stinging my lungs.
“I’m gonna bust down the door! Jo? Can you hear me? Stand back!”
I unlock it just in time and open the door to find Nico obviously about to ram the door, his hands up in fists, face determined. But as soon as he sees me, his features contort into pain.
Then his arms are around me, cradling me to him, kissing my head over and over as I cry. “I’m here. I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry. I’m here.”
CHAPTER 14
NICO
My heart stopped.
When I heard Jo’s voice, my whole body froze. Went into a panic.
I could barely understand her. Hardly hear her through her sobs, and my body was moving before my brain even told it to. Josephine was hurt, and I had to get to her.
Autopilot engaged.
Now, I sink to the floor with her, my legs splayed out and my back against the closed door, her quaking body in my lap, her head buried against my throat. I stroke her hair, hoping to soothe her, help her to calm down, but I’m not sure what will, so I start talking. Mindless stuff about Gus and how much he likes eggs. I tell her about my relationship with Alma and how when we have dinner together, she cooks and I bring the wine. I describe my memories of playing hockey in Canada and living with Alex, spending holidays with the Sheffields, and being the best man in Alex and Naomi’s wedding.
And when Jo finally lifts her head, face red and lips chapped, I curve my hands around her cheeks, wiping my thumbs under her eyes, and tell her, “A few weeks ago, I accidentally knocked out this woman at practice. It was scary. I worried I really hurther, but it turns out, she’s much stronger than I knew. But I still worry about her. I still clearly remember what it felt like when I saw the blood on the floor and her body there, lifeless. I never want to feel that terror again.”
She blinks, breath stuttering when she inhales, and I lower my forehead to hers. “I felt it again today. When you called. I was so scared, Jo. I can’t…”
I struggle to push past the emotion stuck in my throat, words a jumble on my tongue.
I can’t lose her. I don’t know how it happened or exactly why I feel so protective over this girl, but I’d do anything to keep her safe. To make sure she never feels pain again.
Intellectually, I know it’s impossible, and yet there is some instinctive, almost primal need to be her defender. To be her support system. Her provider.
To be her man.
So I ask—plead—with her. “Let me be here for you. I know it’s hard. I know you don’t trust easy, but please, trust me. Let me take care of you. I need… I need you to let me in, Jo, please.”
“I’m afraid,” she croaks. Even though the details aren’t clear to me, it’s obvious whatever she’s been through in her past has left her beat up, but if she’ll allow me to, I’d be happy to take the blows. I’ll fight in her place.
I kiss her temple and damp cheek, gently nudging her chin up. “You don’t need to be afraid of me, I promise.”
She drifts her glassy eyes between mine, making her decision, and with a sad little quiver of her chin, she nods. Agreeing.
