Joris Visser simply wasn’t meant for life in the spotlight. He wanted anything but that.
“I’m sorry, please don’t take my silence as—I believe you,” I said after I let him go on for too long. “I didn’t realize this was your anxiety and I made it worse.”
His eyes flashed with shock and then kindness. “I knew I could be honest with you. Just the way you treat your staff andhow you flinched when they seemed to appreciate that ward at times—I knew you weren’t cold.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I admitted, deciding it was only fair if he was being so honest with me.
“Even so, I’m glad we’re not starting this with lies between us,” he said as he focused on his food.
I still felt like I’d bullied him, so I said more than I normally would. “I simply don’t understand how you feel. It doesn’t…”
“Compute in your head?” he offered, chuckling when I nodded. “Because you are built for the role you are in, Your Majesty. You’ve never longed for anything else because thisiswhere you should be.”
I realized he might have insight into things I’d wondered about. “Or is it because you have someone else who could easily take over for you? What if I’ve never thought that because I’m the only option?”
He studied me a moment. “There’s always another option, Your—”
“Sagan, please. Just Sagan when we’re like this,” I interrupted.
Joris nodded to accept that. “There’s always another option. You have cousins, Prince Fraser, Princess Maple to name a few. But there is always another option.” He rubbed his cheek when I didn’t reply. “I’ve met others who didn’t have siblings and had the same feelings as me—talked about it many times.”
“Oh.”
“Have you never felt that you wish your life was different?”
“Yes, many times, but not about being queen one day or Father’s heir.”
He didn’t make me say what I was probably thinking. “Then you’re in the right place for you, Sagan. Truly. It’s not about being frustrated when you’re at events or people are being stupid. I used to hope maybe I would get injured badly so I didn’thave to be the heir. I wanted any other life than where I was going to end up.”
“And I’m your out…”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I wish, but I would wither and die at court too.” He shot me a look I couldn’t decipher. “Even if I’m pretty sure you’d be one of the few women who would accept all of me and what I need.”
I took a few bites and still didn’t know what to say to that.
“I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable.”
“No, confused, and I’m wondering if I’m as naïve as people are starting to make me feel.” I focused on my food and pretended not to feel his gaze. “Given recent relationship revelations.”
“Kole is a conceited fool, but no matter how badly Onyx handled it, I’m glad you now know the truth. Many of us never thought you were fat or—a woman’s body should never be hidden, only worshiped with her consent.”
I choked on my next bite, wondering how we got here.
“May I be blunt so there’s no confusion here?”
I nodded as I reached for some juice.
“I’m a submissive. Sexually.” He chuckled darkly and sat back in his chair. “And a bit too much in the rest of my life for my father’s comfort. I’m not a leader; I’m a follower.”
“The world needs both to function well,” I hedged.
He nodded. “Thank you. I agree. Most women—well, I can’t really say that like I’ve bedded half the women in Thovudin. The womenI’vebeen with don’t want to tell a man what to do. They like to be swept off their feet and ravaged. That’s lovely. Good for them for wanting what they want. I simply like being told how to please my lover exactly when she wants it.”
I clenched my thighs as he explained it. That was… Interesting.
Appealing?
A smirk grew on his lips. “As I said, I think you’d be the rare one who would give me what I need. It’s a shame we weren’t born in another lifetime or I was different.”
