An hour later, only slightly better, I reach campus and my dorm.
I walk slowly with my head down, convinced everything in my life is about to change. Now it’s only a matter of time before the police come for me.
The group will probably kick me out. I failed Marcel.
I open the door to my room.
It is a paid dorm, my parents cover it. I share it with my older brother Marlow, who’s in his final year of veterinary school.
He’s sitting at his laptop, but when he sees me, he turns like he has seen a ghost. His long hair is loosely tied back, his eyes tired like he has not slept. It is already past eleven.
"Fuck, what happened to you?" he blurts out.
"Disaster," I say flatly, dropping my backpack and reaching for a towel.
"What happened? How did you get like this?"
He stands and walks up to me. We are the same height. His large silver green eyes lock onto my face.
I say nothing. The words will not come out. I just let out a weak breath, and he guesses immediately.
"Something with that messed up Marcel, right? And that insane eco group of yours."
I shut my eyes. I hate to admit he’s right.
"I don’t want to talk about it."
But guilt twists inside me, and I finally spill it out.
"I… I did something really stupid. I agreed to take part in a messed up action and it went off the script. People almost died."
Marlow’s eyes fix on me. He raises his hands and grips my shoulders.
"Are the police after you?"
"Not yet. But it’s only a matter of time. They’ll probably come tomorrow," I whisper.
"Oh damn, Gabriel. You are twenty one. You have one year left. How could you get into something like this? You really want to throw everything away for that fanatic omega who doesn't even care about you?"
I clench my eyes shut.
"You don’t know that… I think he just doesn’t show it."
Marlow scoffs and shakes me again.
"Listen to yourself! You think he cares? He had a year and a half to show it. He’s using you. He drags you into stupid things, like oil protests or those underground cage fights, and he takes your money. You get nothing in return. He treats you like a paypig."
My head is buzzing with emotion, and I snap.
"You don’t get it! What I saw in him was passion. Fire. He had direction, a purpose. Not like me. I was drifting, and he gave me something. He gave me a reason to keep going."
I hear how stupid it sounds, even as I say it.
Marlow grips me harder, his fingers digging into my shoulders.
"Gabriel, wake up. It’s all past tense. Please. He’s not interested in you. You will never be his boyfriend. Everyone sees it but you."
"Just leave me alone."
