“Are you okay?” I asked, trying not to look at the tube coming out of his hospital gown.
He shifted uncomfortably. “Yes.”
I didn’t believe him, butdidn’t push it.
“I’m sorry, Ally,” he said in his raspy voice.
“You should be,” I said, a sob catching in my throat. “You lied to me. I had to watch a horse crush you on a T.V. in a bar!”
He closed his eyes, a single tear slipping down into the bandage on his temple. “Had to…”
Dennis’ words flooded my brain.
“I couldn’t make you watch again,” he croaked out.
I shook my head. This was definitely moremy fault than I had originally realized. He had snuck off to this rodeo because he didn’t want to put me through the torture of watching him ride again.
“Is the dirt really worth more than us, more than your life?” I asked desperately.
His fingers fumbled on the bed until they found mine. “When I’m in that chute,” he said, his voice getting stronger with every word, “when the gate opens, and everything else in the world goes quiet... that’s the only time I feel like I’m doingexactly what I was put on this earth to do. It’s like a prayer, Ally. A violent, beautiful prayer.”
He coughed, and his face twisted into violent agony.
I gripped his hand. “Do you need some more medication?”
He ignored me. “Ally, of course I don’t love the dirt more than I love you, but without it, if I quit because I’m scared, or because you’re scared... then I’m already dead. I don’t want to just exist, Ally. I want tolive. And I want to live it with you in the front row.”
I looked up at the monitors that covered most of the room. They were the only thing these past few days that confirmed he was still alive.
I was having a very hard time keeping the memory of the horse collapsing on Colton replaying in my mind.
In my dreams, the memory of my dad and the memory of Colton had been merged into this horrible accident, and I couldn’t differentiate who was who.
“Please look at me, darlin’.”
I was blinking hard, but I did look at the broken man that I loved. “Colton, I spent the past thirteen years not knowing the difference between a rodeo and a funeral. I’ve spent most of my life trying to outrun the smell of the dirt and the sound of the gate latch, and then I met you. The one person who makes me feel safe, and you want to do the exact same thing.”
Colton, with a little effort, sat up taller. He gripped my hand with both of his. “I know why you’re scared. Every time I get on the horse, you see your daddy. But I need to ask you, if your daddy was still alive, wouldn’t the one thing he’d wannado again be to get on a horse?”
I felt my blood run cold.
He was exactly right.
My dad spent every spare second on a horse. He would practice for the next show, teach me to ride, and try new tricks on his favorite horse.
I wanted to argue with him that the one thing he’d wannado would be to get away from the rodeo, but that wasn’t true.
“You think you’ve been protecting yourself by stayin’ away from the dirt, but Ally, you’ve been livin’ in that accident for thirteen years. You’re the Marketing Director of a multi-million dollarcompany, but I can see you’re still the little girl in the standswaitin’ for the horse to fall,” his voice was urgent, desperate for me to listen.
I was hanging on every word.
He stared deep into my eyes, tears filling his own. “I need you to hear me when I say, the ride is worth the fall.”
Chills covered my arms. My armor was cracking.
“The dirt took your past, love, don’t let it take our future.”
I was still breathless, taking in his words. They were the truest words I’d ever heard, which is why I hated them so much.
