Unconscious in a hospital because of his addiction to the rodeo.
I finally regained my composure and lifted my head. I stood and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.
His head was hot,his hair matted with a little bit of dirt the nurses hadn’t been able to wash off yet.
I had slept beside him more times than I could count, but I had never seen him so vulnerable. “I’m here, Colton,” I whispered. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
~~~
Three days later and three nights on the little bench they liked to call a bed, I was getting desperate.
Colton hadn’t so much as twitched since the surgery.
The doctors said this was normal. His body was healing itself, and the best way to do that was to sleep. His chest tube input was finally slowing down, and they said it could be removed tomorrow morning if he keeps it up.
His vitals were stable.
He was healing.
Then why wasn’t he waking up?
I had sat in the same tiny chair beside his bed, running my nails up and down his arm for three days. I’d been wearing some of Jimmy’s wife’s clothes and an old Agri-Corp hoodie; my greasy hair was pulled back into a bun, and I didn’t feel anything like myself.
The Nash family was being incredibly patient with me, letting me sleep in the room and giving me as much alone timewith him as I needed.
Except for the day Dennis wanted to talk.
He had found me in the empty cafeteria at 3:00 A.M, tearing a napkin into tiny pieces.
I was letting Jo and the girls spend some time with Colton before I rushed back in to be by his side.
Dennis took a seat and slid a mug toward me without a word.
I looked inside to see hot chocolate, the steam still rising. “I’m sorry I shoved you,” I whispered.
He shook his head, his usual infectious energy gone. “Don’t say sorry.”
I sighed and spun the mug around. “How could he do that, Dennis? How could he lie to me? How could he risk his life for a stupid county fair?” I looked up when he didn’t answer and saw a broken man sitting in front of me, staring deep into my face.
I knew he saw my father in me.
That had to be painful.
“A man who has the ‘fever’ doesn’t hear reason,” he finally said so quietly that I had to strain to listen.
“The fever?” I repeated bitterly. “That’s what we’re calling it? An addiction to nearly dying?”
“It’s not about dying, Ally. It never was for Clay, and it isn’t for Colton.” Dennis leaned forward, his voice dropping to a low, intense whisper. “Your daddy didn’t ride because he wanted to leave you and your momma. He rode because he felt like he was ten feet tall when he was on a horse. He felt like the world couldn’t touch him. Colton... he’s the same way.”
I looked away, staring at a stain on the floor. “He lied to me, Dennis.”
“He lied because he’s terrified of losin’ you,” Dennis said simply. “He knows that the life he loves is the same life that killed your father. He’s tryin’ to hold onto two worlds that are constantly tryin’ to tear each other apart. He thought he could keep them separate. He thought he could be your boyfriend in the city and the bareback rider in the country, and that the two would never have to meet.”
“But they did meet,” I whispered. “And I had to watch him almost die on a TV screen in a bar.”
“And now you know the truth,” Dennis said, reaching across the table to lay his heavy hand over mine. “Lovin’ a cowboy isn’t just about the buckles and the blue jeans, Ally. It’s about knowin’ that every time he leaves the house, he’s going to a place where you can’t protect him. Your momma couldn’t handle that. She let the fear turn into hate.”
He squeezed my hand. “The question isn’t whether Colton is going to ride again. Because he is. As soon as he can draw a breath without the pain, he’s gonnastarttalkin’ about gettin’ back on the horse. The question is... are you gonnabe the woman who hates him for it, or the woman who helps him get the vest on?”
