“Fine!” I yelled. “I hate what you do because I can’t watch the only person I love and the only person who loves me die! I can’t handle that again!”
“I’m not gonnadie, Ally!” He yelled back just as loud.
I could see red in the corners of my vision. “How can you say that, Colton?” I demanded. “You can’t promise you won’t get hurt doing this life-threatening sport!”
“I can do this, Ally, I need you to trust me!” Colton said desperately. “I know where to land. I know not to get distracted. I know what to do to be safe!”
“So did my dad!” I responded defensively. “He sat in the same dirt you’re going to sit in tonight, and it didn’t matter how much I ‘trusted him’ when a horse decided to crush his body!”
He was on the verge of tears himself, his cheeks pink and eyes blinking rapidly. “I don’t know how to make you understand what this is like for me.”
I shook my head.
“I just…” he sighed and looked off toward the endless Texas horizon. “Ally, the rodeo is my passion. The adrenaline coursing through my blood, the strength it takes to hang on, the pride you feel when it’s over isindescribable. When I finish a ride, it’s pure bliss. It’severythin’ to me.”
I took a minute to pick my next words. “I can’t watch you get hurt,” I whispered, finally done yelling.
Colton grabbed my hands. “Ally, I get where you’re comin’ from, and you don’t understand how sorry I am. I’m sorry that you had to watch your dad…” the word “die” never quite made it past his lips, “I’m sorry you had to feel like you couldn’t tell me. I’m sorry you had to watch me ride, all the while, you’re sufferin’.”
I closed my eyes, but he put his finger on my chin and forced me to look up at him.
“But, Ally, I can’t quit now,” he said in a quick breath. He stared at me, intensely. “Please…” he said in a pained whisper, “please don’t make me choose between you and the rodeo.”
“Why?” I rasped. “Because you’ll choose the rodeo?”
“No,” he answered sternly. “Because I will choose you, and I’ll resent you for it.”
I stared desperately into his green eyes, tears now beginning to prickle his eyelashes.
I hated that he was right. I wanted nothing more than for him to throw in the towel and forget all about the rodeo. But it was his passion, his true love; he’d look at me, and all he’d see is what I made him give up.
“I need you to know I can do this,” Colton begged. “I can’t do this if you’re not right by my side, supportin’ me. Ally, I need you to be my world outside the rodeo.” He hesitated andswallowed before going on. “I love you too much to ride if you don’t support me.”
It was more or less exactly what Dennis had told me to be for him. I was supposed to be his world outside the arena, to show him there is a world outside the rodeo.
I bit back a sob.
He threw his arms around me, pushing my head into his chest. His strong arms were holding me up, my own legs shaking too hard to work anymore.
He glanced down at his watch and sighed. “I-I hate that I have to do this now, but I need to go get ready.”
The question on his face was heavy.
Was I going to support him? Or was it too much, and was I going to leave?
I squeezed my eyes shut and immediately regretted it.
My dad’s lifeless eyes were staring at me, his bloody hand outstretched to me. His face twisted and morphed, just as it had in the museum, and I saw Colton’s lifeless eyes on mine, begging me to help him.
I bit back the urge to cry again and nodded. “I’ll be there,” I barely whispered.
~~~
The ride to the arena was painful.
Colton was driving, staring straight ahead.
I was in the passenger seat, trying to think of anything that could stop the last memory of my father replaying in my mind.
