“I love that Emma’s back and writing her books.”
Ben nodded. “Yeah, me too. She’s so happy now.”
“It seemed to me like that husband of hers is responsible for that.”
“Jack’s a great guy.”
“And the fact that Missy married his brother. I love that. It’s like everyone’s becoming one big family.”
“We are.” The way he held her gaze made Charlotte shiver. Would they ever be family now? Would they end up getting married like they’d planned to all those years ago?
“And Lily’s running the stables, right?” Charlotte knew that she was; she just needed to say something to break the moment. She was afraid she might ask him to marry her right here and now if he kept looking at her like that.
“She is. And she’s happy. She just got engaged, too. Did you know?”
“No! Who to? Anyone we know?”
“Nate works for Jack and Pete. I like him a lot. He used to be a bit of ladies’ man, but then he met Lily and he turned out to be a closet romantic. They’re kind of cute together, just don’t tell either of them I said that.”
She laughed. “Don’t worry. I won’t. So, everyone’s paired off and settled down and married, or engaged, then?”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “Almost everyone.”
Looking back into his beautiful hazel eyes, Charlotte’s heart hurt. They were supposed to have been the first to get married and settle down together. She nodded, hoping he’d hear what her heart was screaming, but she wouldn’t saythere’s still hope for us.She couldn’t say it, so she chattered on. “I heard about April, I liked her when I met her in Vegas. I knew the band guy had a thing for her and I made her promise to let me know if anything happened. She sent me an email when they got engaged.”
Ben smiled. “Well, you’ll get to catch up with her whenever you like now. She’s your neighbor.”
“Yeah, can you believe that? I couldn’t when Missy told me this morning.”
“You saw, Miss?”
Charlotte nodded, wishing she hadn’t mentioned that, but it was too late now and so she had to be honest. “Yeah.” She hung her head for a moment and then looked up to meet his gaze. “I called her after I saw you and Angel. I didn’t know what to do, Ben. Part of me just wanted to run away. I felt so stupid and so bad for eavesdropping on you.”
Ben shook his head. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that tonight?”
“Okay, sorry. It’s just really important to me. I want you to understand that I want you to do whatever is right for you even if that’s not me.”
“It is you. Can we leave it?” The look in his eyes made her drop it.
“Okay. Can I ask you one thing?”
He gave her that same pleading look.
“Don’t worry. I’ve dropped that. I just need to know; have you been happy? I hope you have.”
His smile was genuine. “These last few months I have. Since I saw you. It gave me hope.” He shrugged. “Sorry, that probably makes me sound like a sad sack. I have a good life. I’ve done what I wanted to with the resort. More than I believed was possible when I started out, but I think I kind of lived in a bubble. I tried to protect myself from the hurt, and I don’t think you really can shield yourself from hurt without shielding yourself from happiness, too.” He shrugged. “That probably doesn’t make any sense.”
“No, it does. I don’t think I would ever have found the words to say it, but you just summed up my life—at least my life since us. The pain … it all just hurt so much. I kind of went numb. I didn’t let myself go near the pain, because I knew I couldn’t heal it. And so, you live in a cloud of cotton wool, the pain can’t pierce you in the same way, but happiness can’t get through to you either.”
“Exactly, but these last few months it’s like I’ve shed the layers, and started to feel again. I’ve examined the pain, from a new place of hope, and happiness has just kind of crept in around the edges.”
“I’m glad, Ben. I want you to be happy.”
“And we will be.”
She nodded. She’d been about to say again that she wanted him happy, no matter what that meant, but his answer stopped her. She hoped with all her heart that he meant what she thought—that they would be happy together. “I don’t want to bring this up now, I don’t really want to bring it up ever, but we need to. You said you’ve examined the pain …” She stopped. The lump in her throat made her unable to continue.
He nodded and squeezed her hand. “We need to go there, but I can’t do it right now.” He looked around. The restaurant was quiet, but there were a few other diners in there, and most of them had already shot a few curious glances in their direction. “I feel like we need to grieve together at some point, maybe a little at a time, but definitely in private.”
