Charlotte held up a hand. “Don’t look so sad, Ben. This is a good thing. We need to be completely open and honest with each other. It was hard for me to be honest with you that I saw you and heard you this morning. I understand it must be hard for you to admit to me how you feel about her, but it’s what we need to do. Nothing can ever work between us if we’re not honest. And I think we both have to face the fact that maybe nothing will ever happen between us. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay.” She bit back a sob.
Ben’s heart now felt as though it was breaking. How could this be happening? They finally got to be together and she was saying that maybe they shouldn’t.
She went over and sat down on the sofa gesturing for him to join her. “This seems so surreal to me. This has been my only wish since I was eighteen, and my only goal for the last six months. All I wanted was to get back to you, to get you back. Now that I’m here, my goal has changed.”
Ben stared at her. His goals hadn’t changed.
She took hold of his hand and smiled up at him. “All I want now—all I really want—is to see you happy. I always thought the only way we could be happy was together. Now I’m not so sure. If you can be happy with this Angel, then you should be, and I’ll be happy for you.”
Ben squeezed her hand. “Charlie, you know damned well that all I’ve ever wanted is for us to get back together. Now you’re here, everything I’ve dreamed about for all this time is within my reach. Within our reach. I don’t want Angel. I want you!”
She looked up at him sadly. “I’m not trying to be difficult, Ben. Really, I’m not. I’m trying to be realistic. You see, I say I want you. You say you want me. But if we’re honest—really honest with ourselves and each other—we don’t know if that’s true.”
“I do know, Charlie—”
She put a finger to his lips and stopped him. “I know how you feel, I know what you mean. A part of me feels the same way you do. We finally get what we’ve always wanted, we’d be crazy to question it. Except, if we’re brave, if we’re sensible, we have to admit that we’d be crazynotto question it.”
Ben stared down into her eyes. “And since when have you been the sensible one?” He gave her a little smile, hoping that she’d smile back. In all his fantasies about this day, the day they got back together, it was the happiest day of his life. It’d certainly never played out like this.
She smiled back. “Since I figured out that love isn’t selfish.”
Ben leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. She’d never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment.
“You know,” she said, “I thought I’d come a long way. I was so proud of myself that I decided I should rent my own place so that we could get to know each other again properly. I thought I was being sensible about all the possible obstacles we might run across. I had no clue that the obstacles might be so fundamental.” The tears began to roll down her cheeks again. “That maybe our time has gone. Maybe we’re not meant to be together now. And I sure as hell had no clue that I’ve grown up to the extent that seeing you happy is more important to me than seeing you with me.”
Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She thought they weren’t meant to be together? He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to his chest. “Charlie. You and me, we’re forever, forever and always weren’t just words.”
She squeezed him tight. “I know, Ben. I’ll always love you, I’ll always want to be with you, but I won’t be with you if I’m not what’s best for you. If I’m notwho’sbest for you.”
Ben took a deep breath. “There’s nothing going on between me and Angel, you know.”
“But maybe there should be? Maybe you should give it a try. I hate the idea, you know I do. But, Ben, I married Alastair. I tried it out. Maybe you need to do the same.” She sniffed. “And maybe you’ll discover that she’s right for you.”
~ ~ ~
He looked so sad. Charlotte had to swallow back more tears. This felt so wrong, but she knew it was the right thing to do.
“She’s not the right one. You are, Charlie. You’re the right one, the only one.”
“I want to be, Ben. You know I do. But you need to be sure. I need to be sure. We’ve waited this long, and I know I’m the impetuous one, the impatient one, but I’d much rather wait. I’d rather wait until you know for sure, than have us find out that although this is what we want it’s not what you need. So, I think we should take our time, take this slowly.” She couldn’t believe she was saying it, but as the words came out, Charlotte knew this was the right thing to do. “I’m here now, I’m here to stay. I need to build a life for myself, I need to find a job, a way to support myself. I can get on with doing everything I need to do, while you figure out what’s right for you.”
“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this, Charlie. I know what’s right for me, it’s you.”
Charlotte shook her head. “That’s the whole point though, isn’t it? You don’t know. You think, you want, but you need to be sure. Hell, I need to be sure. I need to be sure I’m the right one for you before I risk messing up your life again.”
“What exactly are you saying?”
“I guess I’m saying that I’m here now, but perhaps you should carry on with your life as if I weren’t.”
“But that’s impossible! Don’t you think it’s been hard enough all these years? I’ve carried on my life without you only because you weren’t here. Now you are.”
“Yes, but Ben, for all those years Angel wasn’t here either. Now she is.”
Ben shook his head. “How can I get it through to you, Charlie? I don’t want her. I want you. I have always wanted you. I always will. Yes, I admit that she has become a part of my life, but that’s because we work together.”
Charlotte raised her eyebrows at him. “Anyone who works with you becomes a part of your life, Ben. But most of the people you work with you aren’t attracted to. I know you are attracted to her, and let’s be honest, you need to explore that before either of us are going to be comfortable to move past it.”
Ben stared at her. “You’re not seriously saying you expect me to date her or something, are you?”
