RenegadeRush
In case you were wondering, that wasn’t me asking to meet. It was merely my question of the day, inquiring whether you have ever thought about meeting in person. Not asking if you want to do that.
Blowing out a breath, I grab the phone from Sarah. “I’ll take care of this.”
ChaosQueen
I have, maybe once or twice, considered the possibility of meeting in person.
RenegadeRush
Oh, thank god. I was hoping I wasn’t the only one doing the considering.
And if I asked you whether you would want to meet in person?
ChaosQueen
I think I would have to ask you what’s in it for me.
“Queen,” Emmy says, and I whip around to see her leaning directly over my shoulder, spying on the screen. “Total queen behavior. No straight answers. Keep him guessing.”
My phone beeps in my hand, and we both turn back to it.
RenegadeRush
A date with a moderately good looking non-asshole who has spent the last month dreaming of what you look like.
For the record, my dreams are…vivid, and you’re gorgeous in every single one.
Emmy squeals into my ear, and my stomach explodes in butterflies I actually do not have time for right now.
“No,” I say emphatically, tossing my phone up onto the couch and turning my attention back to my girls and my tacos, the way god herself intended. “I don’t have time for the guy on the phone. I need to talk about the guy in my house. Well, the guy in his house. Where I live. I live with a guy who has seen me naked and is driving me out of my fucking mind, and I need you all to tell me what to do about it. Especially you,” I say pointedly to Caitlin. “I need you to be my voice of reason here.”
Caitlin looks at me thoughtfully. “Do you want me to reason you into Tyler or away from him?”
I consider that, taking a second to gather my thoughts before realizing I’ve got nothing. Not even one single, tiny thought.
“Why don’t you tell us what’s been going on?” Maddy says, pushing her plate away and leaning forward with her elbows propped on her knees. “You said he accidentally saw you naked and it’s been weird since, but I think we need more information.”
I take one more fortifying gulp of my margarita before telling them everything. Well, almost everything. The little nugget about my interview and job opportunity and potential move across the country stays locked up tight for now. But I tell them about the way Tyler looked at me and how he gave me the sex voice and showed up after work and took me out for the best night of my entire life. Our moment on the couch when we got home.I really, really like who you are. The late-night grilled cheese we ate on the couch while we watchedPretty Woman, normal stuff we’ve done a million times before, but all with an overlay ofmoreI can’t make my brain understand. And my brain usually understands everything.
“It’s weird, you know?” I finish. “Tyler and I have been friends our entire lives. I always feel like myself around him, the same way I do around you.” I look around the circle at my girls, all listening intently, faces open and honest. Here. They’re here for me, the way they always are. Always will be. I’ve never beenmore grateful in my life for girlfriends and wonder, not for the first time, how I could even consider leaving all this behind to move thousands of miles away. Whether any job is worth what I would be giving up. “But it’s…different lately. Like he’s giving me space to be even more myself, and I didn’t know that was even possible because I’m always me. He doesn’t care if my shit is all over his house. He welcomes it. Seems to like it, even. I’m always the most extra in any room, but he took me to a Broadway rave where I could ramp that extra up to maximum, and then he met me right where I was. He got up on stage and danced and sangRentsongs with me, for fuck’s sake.”
“Is there video of that?” Maya asks. “If there is, I’ll be needing it, immediately.”
“Same,” Emmy, Sarah, Maddy, and Caitlin all say in unison, then burst out laughing.
I smile, thinking back on that moment. “I kind of hope there is because oh my god, you guys, it was so much fucking fun. Like, undoubtedly one of the best nights I’ve ever had. But…” Pausing, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You love him,” Caitlin says simply, and when I look at her, there is so much understanding in her eyes that my own eyes burn. “You love him in the deep, forever kind of way, and you have for a really, really long time.”
“You already know that,” I manage with a half laugh. “You’ve known for years.”
She nods. “We have. But it’s different now, isn’t it?”
I give a half-hearted shrug, fiddling with my bracelets, letting them clink together in the cheerful beat that always reminds me of Tyler. “It doesn’t seem like it should be, but yeah, it totally is. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re living together now, temporarily at least. We’ve never done that before, and existing in the same space every day is different than sporadic movie nights and occasional sleepovers when I’m too tired to go home.”
“But you don’t think so,” Maddy says.
