“Panic attacks don’t help,” I said softly. “It probably wouldn’t have gotten so bad if I didn’t start panicking about having to go to the hospital. I hate the hospital.”
“I know you hate the hospital. Maybe we need to do some kind of exposure therapy thing for you, where you go to the hospital when nothing is happening. It might help. Medical trauma is very real.” She paused, her gaze considering. “You could think about talking to a therapist about all of this.”
I eyed her, feeling my tendency to deflect rising swiftly. I beat the urge back. I knew it didn’t help me, even if it had carried me through much of my life. “I’ll think about it, but I already understand what’s happening.” Okay, so maybe I still wanted to deflect.
“Doyou though? Because I know you’re experiencing it, but I’m not sure you’ve given it the acknowledgment it needs. There are ways you can make it less awful.”
I shrugged. This was such a loaded emotional place for me, and seeing as I was currently in the hospital, I wasn’t up for too much processing on this. “I promise I’ll think about it.”
Rowan seemed to sense my need to change tracks. “On another note, what are you going to do about Cole? He sure seems like he loves you.”
Heat flashed into my cheeks, but I surprised myself. “Well, I definitely love him.”
“So, I should give you two some privacy when he gets back, huh?” she teased. “And definitely add him to your emergency contacts because he’s here. I don’t mind at all being one of your contacts. I want to be there for you. But maybe it will help him understand what’s going on.”
“Well, maybe you could explain it?” I pressed.
Rowan’s eyes widened, her brows flying up. “Are you serious?”
“Please? He’s a little stressed. And you can assure him I’m not going to die.”
As if on cue, there was a light knock at the door. We called out in unison, “Come in!”
Cole peered in, and Rowan gestured him inside, announcing, “She’s not going to die.”
Cole’s eyes went wide.
“I mean, we’re all going to die at some point, but Adele’sheart’s fine. All you need to know is that on occasion, the rhythm of her heartbeat can still get out of whack. It’s unsettling and disconcerting, but she has medication she can take before it gets too bad and preferablynothave a panic attack about it because that’ll make it worse. If the medication isn’t enough, she needs to come to the hospital and they will try a few other things. The hospital in Willow Brook has all her records.”
“But why did it get so bad this time?” Cole pressed, looking between us. “She was pale and shaking when I found her.”
“Because she waited too long, and because my sister isfucking stubborn,” Rowan said bluntly.
“Oh. Ohhhh,” Cole replied, his gaze meeting mine.
“Yeah. She likes to think she doesn’t need to ask for help when, sometimes, she actually does.” Rowan didn’t hold back, letting out a chuckle. “Stubborn.”
Cole looked between us, his expression dismayed.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
ADELE
Anxiety and stakes
“Is this funny?” Cole asked.
“In a black humor sort of way,” I offered dryly. “I’m fine, Cole. Rowan’s right. I can be stubborn and wait too long. But I’m fine.”
There was another knock on the door. “It’s me!”Holly called in her singsong voice as she walked into the room. “How are we doing?”
“We’re fine,” I called back. “I feel so much better. Please, please, please,please, discharge me.”
Cole still looked dismayed, his brows hitching high. “Please don’t discharge her until she’s one hundred percent ready to go.”
Holly was already at the laptop, tapping at the keyboard and reviewing my numbers. “Looking good,” she said. “Let’s give it another half hour. How’s your anxiety, actually?”
“My anxiety is great.”
