I picked up a few loose pieces of hay off the floor, twisting them together absentmindedly. “Look, it’s not just him. Maybe he really does like me. But while I don’t do casual, I also never imagined being serious with anyone.”
Kendall simply nodded at that ridiculous contradiction. “Okay. Well, I guess you could just use him for a good time,” she pointed out dryly.
A disbelieving laugh sputtered out of me. The funny thing was, my heart twisted at Kendall’s teasing suggestion. I sensed that would hurt Cole, and I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
“He told me he wanted me to give him a chance.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, so he just went for it?”
I felt a sheepish smile curling my lips. “I guess he did.”
“Look, I’m not a romance expert. At all. But what makes you declare you don’t want to ever be serious?”
I hesitated, but I was in this, so I pushed ahead. “Well, you know about my heart situation. It’s fine now. It really is. I do have to get it monitored and whatever, but I should be fine.” I let out a sigh. “But when I was little, it was a lot. I was constantly dependent on others. People were always worried about me.” I tried to find the best way to explain. “I’ve been to therapy to process all that. The life I have now, where I lead hikes and want to visit every national park in Alaska…”
I paused, glancing at Kendall, who chimed in. “I understand. I need to feel independent and I love it.”
I nodded, a sense of clarity filling me. “I really do. Maybe in part because I couldn’t do these things when I was younger. And now I can.”
Kendall watched me, the warmth of her gaze both comforting and firm.
“And so, maybe I have more of a need to handle things on my own than most,” I hedged.
Kendall leaned back, crossing her arms with a soft laugh. “So, caring about someone else is a problem?”
I sort of glared at her. “No.”
She raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. But the truth was, I didn’t know how to explain it. I was just scared. The way I felt about Cole legitimately frightened me.
Kendall tilted her head to the side. “Well, how do you feel about Cole?”
The minute she said his name, I felt that familiar flutter deep inside me, the one that was becoming specific to him. My belly felt tingly, my skin prickly, and my heart ached just a little bit. Because I wanted something with Cole that I’d never wanted before.
“I like him,” I admitted, my voice just above a whisper. “And that really stresses me out.”
Kendall’s gaze was understanding, and there was a moment of silence between us. She leaned forward. “Well, then maybe you give him a chance.”
Chapter Twenty
COLE
Lasagna and chances
A few days later, I walked into the gear room at the main resort after a shower. Asher and Grady were there, putting a few things away.
“What’s up, guys?”
They glanced over. “Not much,” Asher replied.
“What’s up with you?” Grady asked with a quick smile over his shoulder.
“I’m fucking starving,” I announced.
“You and everyone,” Asher said with a grin. “Tommy says we’re having lasagna for dinner.”
“Oh, I fucking love his lasagna. Who knew he’d turn out to be such a good cook?” Grady commented as he closed one of the lockers.
“Well, we are all the better for it,” I added.
