I busied myself with a brief walk around my small apartment. One of the bedrooms appeared to be serving as a storage space with boxes against the walls, and another had gear piled on the bed. I was grateful Maggie had sent over towels and bedding. There was a large fluffy comforter in the closet. The sheets smelled as if they’d been dried out in the sun. Knowing Maggie, they probably had.
A little while later, I stared up in the darkness. My lips curled in a smile as I saw the constellations glowing on the ceiling. I’d had those stick-on stars in my bedroom when I was little. I took a quick breath, letting it out slowly and trying to settle myself inside.
Cole filled my thoughts. My fingertips traced over my scars. When I was younger, I used to trace them out of fear—fear that somehow the scar itself could break open. Even then, I’d known that wasn’t rational. But reactions to medical stuff weren’t particularly rational.
The scars were older now, strong and knitted together so thoroughly, over years. I used to tell myself what the cardiac surgeon had told me. He’d been such a nice man. He told me over and over again, “Don’t forget. The scar is stronger than the skin was before the scar. You have superpowers now. Your heart, on the inside, is the same way.”
My heart kept on beating, and intellectually, I knew I was fine. I was healthy. I was strong. I would be okay.
Iwasphysically strong. Except, what about the emotional part? That was the dicey question.
I knew I had to talk to Cole. We couldn’t do this.Icouldn’t do this.
Chapter Eighteen
ADELE
Not just a flirt
A few days later
It had been a busy few days with hikes and breakfast and dinner at Heartfire Falls. And…I loved it here. I really, really did. I felt so welcomed. Not just by Maggie—who set the tone—but by everyone. Elsa, Chloe, the brothers, and even Cole.
Even though I felt uncertain around him, and my hormones were like obnoxious teenage girls giggling, he was funny and light and had this comfortable presence that helped me feel safe. Which also terrified me.
I’d successfully avoided being alone with him. Thus far, the hikes I’d led had either been just me with women, or a few with the other brothers. The schedule here was busy, busy, busy.
And yet, I also knew I was putting off a conversation I needed to have with Cole. One afternoon, when Kendall invited me to stop by the animal rescue program because she needed a little help moving some things, Cole offered to walk down with me.
I sensed he wanted a conversation too, but I knew I needed to set the tone.
As soon as we were headed that way, I steeled myself with a breath and blurted, “I can’t do casual, Cole. We can’t do that again.”
His gaze slid to mine as we walked. “Well, I guess we can dive right into that conversation then, Adele.”
Although his tone was light, I knew he was taking me seriously. “No, really.” I stopped and turned to face him on the gravel road.
My heart was pounding, banging hard and fast against my ribs. My belly was a jumble of butterflies as anxiety spun through me like a storm. “This is important. I’m not going to lie and pretend there isn’t chemistry between us. Obviously, there is. But…” I cleared my throat, twisting my hands together. “I can’t do casual. It’s not something I can do.”
His eyes bored into mine. He shocked the hell out of me next. “What if I don’t want casual?”
“What?” I sputtered.
“I don’t want casual. Not with you.”
I shook my head quickly. “You’re a flirt and a tease. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I work here now, and I really like it here. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“I know,” he said. “I’m telling you, I know I’m a flirt and maybe I am a tease. But you’re important to me.” He paused, his voice dropping an octave. “I’ve never felt with anyone else the way I do with you.” He cleared his throat.
When I saw the uncertainty in his eyes—even though I was an anxious mess—it somehow eased my anxiety. I didn’t feel so alone in my overwhelming reaction to him.
He reached for my hands, and the moment we touched, I felt soothed. Even better, his hands were strong and warm around mine. He stepped closer.
“Let’s just…maybe see.” His voice was a low rasp, the sound alone setting my nerves alight. “I promise I’m not an asshole, even if I am a tease.”
I felt my lips curling into a smile as I looked up at him. “I know you’re not an asshole, Cole. I just…”
He shook his head quickly, his gaze almost pleading. “Please. Give me a chance.”
