Page 149 of Benji


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“Monday you drive yourself to work for the first time,” I told him. “That’s a better first drive than the airport.”

Next week, he’s going back to work at a desk job doing cold cases and evidence review. And he’ll be driving himself.

We have four days together. We’ll have the conversation I promised Dante I’d have and a party to help plan. The conversation can wait until after the party though. The party can’t wait for anything because Tex’s End of Summer party is one of the biggest nights of the year at the Roadhouse.

The rental car is waiting when I land. I’m on the highway in twenty minutes and soon I’m pulling into the parking lot of the Roadhouse.

Tex has been throwing this party for years, long before I existed in this world, and the fact that I’m here this year, helping set up, feels like being invited into a tradition.

Sheila gives me the run of the bar on Saturday morning. I bring my tote bag full of supplies. Streamers, table linens, and battery-operated candles in mason jars because real flame in a bar with a wood ceiling is a choice I’m not making. Stormy meets me at nine with a ladder and a level.

“Higher on the left,” I say, standing on the floor pointing upward while Stormy adjusts the banner. It reads END OF SUMMER in navy letters on white butcher paper because Sheila said a store-bought banner was tacky and I agreed. Stormy hand-lettered it at three in the morning.

“Is this level?” Stormy asks.

“A quarter inch higher on the left. Your left. My right.”

He adjusts. I nod. Stormy tapes it down like he’s mounting a painting in a museum.

Sheila has been cooking since dawn, the full Sheila spread that she breaks out for holidays and occasions that matter. The smoker has been going since four AM and the parking lot smells like a portal to heaven. I’ve been stealing Sheila’s cornbread since ten o’clock and she hasn’t said a word about it, which means the cornbread stealing is sanctioned.

I set up tables and arrange chairs. I put the mason jar candles on every table and the battery flicker makes the bar look warm and alive in a way the neon doesn’t. I drape the white linens over the pool table because the pool table is not the vibe tonight and covering it gives us an extra buffet surface. I arrange the food station in a flow that moves people from the bar to the buffet to the seating, the same flow pattern I use at wedding receptions. Traffic management is the same whether the guests are in tuxedos or cowboy boots.

By four, the bar is transformed and I’m standing in the middle of it covered in a thin layer of sweat, and the room is a venue I’m proud to put my name on.

Mickey comes down in the elevator. He’s wearing a navy shirt and his hair is pushed to the side. He wheels through thebar and takes in the candles, the linens, the banner and the food spread.

“You turned Tex’s bar into an event space,” he says.

“I hope it’s not too much for Tex,” I say.

“Tex is going to love it and pretend to hate it. That’s how Tex processes joy.”

I lean down and adjust the collar of his shirt. A small thing you do when someone belongs to you. He catches my hand as I pull away, and holds it against his chest for a second. I feel his heartbeat under my palm.

Tex opens the doors at five. The crowd comes in waves. Regulars first, the ones who come every year. They have their spots at the bar and their drink orders that Sheila pours before they sit down. Then families, kids running between tables while parents call after them. Then friends of friends, people from the town who come to Tex’s party every year because the Roadhouse is where the summer ends.

The bar fills fast. Loud and fun, the kind of crowd that came because they wanted to be here.

I work the room. Not because it’s my job tonight but because my body doesn’t know how to be at a party without making it better. I refill Sheila’s serving trays before she asks. I direct people to the buffet when the line backs up.

Mickey is right in the middle of it, surrounded by friends. People pull chairs up and they talk and they laugh and they tell stories. I hear fragments from across the room, “remember the time you pulled over that guy on a jet ski” and“the crab in the gym bag, Tex, tell the one about the crab”, and Mickey is laughing. He belongs to this bar and these people.

I’m passing his table with a tray of cornbread. He reaches out and snags a piece off the tray without looking. His fingers brush mine. I keep walking and he keeps talking. The night is good.

Around eight, the parking lot fills with motorcycles.

I hear them before I see them. The rumble of engines, not one or two but a pack, rolling into the lot in a formation that takes up the whole row of spaces closest to the building. The sound cuts through the music and the party noise. A few heads turn toward the windows.

I’m at the buffet restocking the coleslaw when I count them through the glass. Ten bikes. Maybe more. The riders are big men in leather vests with patches on the back that I can’t read from inside. They dismount and stand in the lot talking, none of them moving toward the door yet. A couple of them look at the building. One of them points at the string lights and says something that makes the others laugh.

They walk in and the energy shifts. Not dramatically. Not the way it shifted that first night when four men followed me into a hallway. This is subtler. It’s the shift that happens when a room that was all neighbors and families absorbs a group of outsiders. The regulars clock them, and keep talking. Sheila looks up from the bar and her face does a fast calculation. She reaches for clean pint glasses because she pours first and assesses second.

I don’t think much of it. Tex’s bar gets bikers. That’s part of its identity. The parking lot has always had motorcyclesmixed with trucks and the mix is what makes the Roadhouse what it is.

But Mickey thinks something of it. I can see it happen from across the room.

His posture changes. The relaxed lean he’s had all night straightens. His shoulders square and his hands go to the armrests of the wheelchair. His eyes do the sweep I know by heart now — starting at the door, working the room clockwise, clocking every exit, every obstacle, every face that wasn’t there five minutes ago.