I giggle and open my laptop, mentally wondering what Mercer and I can make for dinner. “Do you want chicken?”
“Can I have a goldfish?”
“To eat?” I cry, stopping in mid-tap as I pull up the banking page.
“No! As a pet. Petey and Allison have a big fish tank.”
“Ohhh. Maybe when you’re as old as Petey. Also, I don’t know how Mercer feels about pet fish. As a water-dwelling person, we... should...” I stop speaking and squint.
“What, Mommy?”
“Ask Mercer tonight,” I repeat, eyes narrowed at my screen.
Eli’s child support payment, which covers about 40% of our expenses, hasn’t gone in. It’s supposed to go in by the middle of each month. It’s almost thenextmonth.
“Damn it,” I mutter under my breath and pull my phone from my pocket.
Madelyn: Hi, Linda! I sent out your official birthday party invite yesterday, but just a reminder, it’s coming up. Please let me know if you’re planning to attend. Also, I’m no longer speaking to Eli after some horrible things he said to me. I don’t know how he has spun things to you, but that’s the reason why he is blocked. However, if you would like to remind Eli that his child support check is due by the 15th of the month at the latest, that would be great. It will also save him some legal hassle. Hope to see you next weekend!
I mentally start juggling bills and pushing back the automatic drafts I can. I’m saving up a cushion for preschool tuition next year. If I send him, it’ll be good for Zack’s social skills, education, and all that, and I can take on more work. But if I keep him at home, I won’t have that big bill each month. I can use what I have saved to pay bills right now if I have to... or I can give Eli a little more time.
As if on cue, my phone chimes.
Linda: Eli says he has reached out to his lawyers. If you want to keep Zack full-time, then you have to stop expecting him to pay child support. If you want to let Eli have sole custody, then he will waive your child support payments. He said he sent a certified letter yesterday, and you should have it soon. Yes, I plan to come to the party. What can I bring?
I sink to the floor, phone dropping from my hand.
No money or no Zack. That’s the deal? That’s the deal he’s proposing.
No judge will support that.
But it could take months of wrangling and red tape to get this sorted in court. Lawyer’s fees. Money I don’t have. Hadn’t budgeted for.
It’s not even about the legal system. He knows it’s blackmail. If there was even a chance that Eli could win... Am I willing to risk giving Zack up? Seeing him only on holidays, and maybe weekends?
Maybe not. What if sole custody means no visitation, just like Eli never visits?
I think I’m going to puke.
“Mommy, does your knee hurt?” Zack suddenly demands, little hands on my shoulder.
I startle, take a deep breath, and nod because it’s easier than saying my heart hurts. Doesn’t Eli realize what this would do to us? Cutting off a big chunk of money with no warning? He can hate me all he wants, but Zack doesn’t deserve this.
“Should I call Grandma?”
My little guy. He’s so awesome. He’s already bending to kiss my knee. “No, don’t call Grandma,” I say, trying to sound composed. I rise and sit at my desk.
“I’ll get you an ice pack. We should call Mr. Mercer!” Zack is running to the kitchen. He can reach the pull-out freezer drawer at the bottom of the fridge, and I hear him rummaging as my mind spins.
Speaking of Grandma, how is Linda okay with this? She might not like me too much these days, but she’s always been a doting Grandma to Zack. What’s more, she’s the “rich widow” of the family, someone who could easily afford to pay for Zack’s monthly preschool tuition, private school, or whatever he needs. How can she type Eli’s plan and end with a casual, “See you at the party, what can I bring?”
“You hurt a lot? You don’t sound okay.” Zack puts the soft gel ice pack on my knee and sticks an orange popsicle in my hand. “Want to sit on the couch?”
“I’m okay now, honey. You go play.”
Zack hesitates. “Can I call Mr. Mercer? Please?”
I hand him my phone after I pull up the kraken’s number. Last night’s giddy afterglow and tonight’s anticipation are squashed flat with worry—and yet I share Zack’s desire to talk to the protective, sexy lifeguard.
