“Wh-what?” I gasp.
“What?” Mercer looks alarmed.
“Picnics! Picnic food. Sandwiches and grapes.”
“I have grapes, right next to the brie.”
“No, I mean... This is too much. This is fancy. You must have spent a fortune on this.”
“I have nothing else to spend it on but you and Zack. I have his presents and some wrapping paper in the lockers if you want to see them,” he says, eyes shining with excitement. “I bought him a card game, and a dinosaur encyclopedia set, and—” He stops talking when I keep staring at the food. “I know it’s too much, maybe, but we can put the leftovers in the fridge.”
“I’m never going to lose weight if I—”
“Lose weight? You look perfectly healthy.”
“Well... I am, I’m not overweight—well, not much, I’m just at the upper range for my height, and it’s not exactly shapely.”
Mercer’s eyes rake over me, and he sits in the sand, then reclines on his side, arm supporting his head. He looks like some sea sultan, lounging in front of his little banquet in the sand. “I adore your shape.”
“You haven’t seen it,” I point out.
“Bathing suits. Bike shorts. They leave little to the imagination, and yet... Oh, I imagine things I could never tell you, or you’d think I was unworthy of you.”
I sit down, knees tucked under me, resting on one hip, then I give up and decide to sprawl on my side, too, food between us, sunset behind us. “Is that so?”
“Mmhmm. My imagination has registered no complaints.”
Well. I reach over and deftly pluck a grape off the stem and pop it in my mouth. “That’s very flattering.”
“And also honest. If you’re worried about a few extra calories, I promise to help you work them off.”
“Oh?” How?
Now it’s my turn to have a slutty imagination, and I confess I’m at a loss to know what to imagine first. Sex hasn’t happened in so long, and up until a few nights ago, I was worried that my libido was somehow taken in the divorce settlement.
“We’ll swim for an hour. That’s excellent exercise.”
“Oh. Swimming, right.”
“Unless you have other kinds of exercise in mind?” Mercer’s voice drips suggestion.
“I might. My imagination is trying to keep up with yours. It’s just missing a little bit of info.” My cheeks flush, and my eyes lock onto the place where Mercer’s torso meets his tentacles. He’s calmly setting out paper plates and disposable cutlery, and I’m looking for his equipment.
Where is his cock? Is it like, hidden? For that matter, where are mermaid parts? Can I ask him that?
I should have looked this up on the internet...
“If you have more questions about my tentacles, I’d be happy to answer them. Or give a practical demonstration,” Mercer purrs.
Yes, purrs.
I take the glass of wine he offers me, careful not to spill it on my dress. “It’s not about tentacles. I don’t think it is anyway. Oh, never mind, I can look it up later.”
“Look what up?” Mercer sits up, looking slightly concerned. “If there’s something you want to know, I wish you’d just ask me.”
“How do... How did Janet and Calder come to be parents? You said humans and krakens are compatible, but I was wondering about the specifics,” I say, keeping my face as composed as possible.
“Oh. Ohhh!” Mercer downs his glass of wine and becomes very interested in the corkscrew. “Well, we are certainly physically compatible. Maybe a little larger than most men.”
