“That’s true,” I say uneasily. “But just because you love Mercer, doesn’t mean that he and I—”
Zack gasps and freezes me with a look that I can’t explain. Shock. Disappointment.
If you’ve ever been caught taking your kid’s Halloween candy without their permission, and they’ve given you that look of horrified betrayal, then you know this look.
I shrivel inside. “What?”
“Mr. Mercer loves you so much, Mommy! He’s always helping you. He’s always trying to take care of us. Make us happy.” Zack’s brows draw together. “You don’t love him?”
“I love him like a friend,” I explain, and realize that’s true.
“Then why can’t he be a dad?”
“Because it’s not time. It’s not time yet,” I add, mostly to get myself out of this uncomfortable conversation.
Zack’s lip starts to wobble. “But I don’t want him to leave. I want him to stay and come to all my parties, forever.”
Oh, holy shit, why? Why tonight, why now?I hurry to scoop him up. “I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have let you spend so much time with Mr. Mercer if you’re so worried about him not being here.”
“He will too be here! He’s agooddad.” Zack’s vehemence surprises me—and yet it doesn’t. Mercer has shown that he is always there, from lifesaving rescues to Saturday night bedtimes.
I’m silent, the comparison obvious. Everything in my brain is guilt-tripping me for letting a man get close, while my heart is saying that I should give in already and admit that there’s something special between Mercer and me, something that I want to move slowly, but that travels like a tsunami wave instead.
With timing that is par for the course of my life, Mercer knocks on the door, and Zack springs out of my arms to open it.
“Zack, wait!” I run after him, but he’s too quick today.
Mercer’s cheery greeting cuts off with a surprised yelp as Zack climbs him like he’s a big teal jungle gym and embeds himself in his neck and arms. “Oh! Oh, my baby kraken, what is it?” Mercer demands, tentacles and arms going protectively around Zack, his eyes meeting mine.
“We’re having some big feelings and big confusion right now.”
“Oh, my goodness. What’s wrong? Do you not want us to go out? We can stay here,” Mercer says swiftly, and I have to admit that it earns brownie points. Some men (cough—Eli—cough) would pitch a fit if they thought a kid was going to get in the way of their romantic date—especially since Mercer and I have been slowly turning up the heat on our goodnight kisses until just the sight of him makes my insides dangerously close to combusting.
“I want you to be the dad. Mom says no.”
Mercer looks at me, first in shock, and then with that “You stole the Halloween candy” look of betrayal. “What?”
“I said not yet. I said you’re a wonderful friend, and I know you’re always going to be here for Zack. And for me,” I add softly.
“That’s right, Zack. I’ll always be here.”
“But a friend is different from a dad. You can have lots of friends, but just one dad. I want one who is here every day, like you.” Zack hugs Mercer one more time and then races to get his envelope from the pile. Even though he can’t read, Zack knows some letters. He decorated Mercer’s invitation with a huge blue M and a picture of the lake. “You’ll come, right?”
“To everything, from your third birthday to your high school graduation.”
That’s the second time Mercer has made that remark, and my eyes narrow. “That’s a specific day.”
“And an important one,” Mercer agrees, hand resting on Zack’s head. “But your mom is right, Zack. Not yet. See, to be your dad, first I have to be a husband to your mom.”
I choke on words that don’t actually come out in any kind of intelligible language. Just a splat of noise.
Husband. The dude said husband.
“It might take me a very long time to prove that I am worthy to be someone that important in her life. But I will never give up, and you will never lose me out of your life, not as long as your mother and you say I can stay in it.”
Zack sniffs in and nods. “And you’ll come on Friday? Because it could be a best day. Mom says we can go get ice cream and have waffles for breakfast. And bacon. And I get one present that day. The rest at my party.”
“Ah, then you’ll gettwopresents that day, because I also have one for your actual birthday and one for the party,” Mercer boops his nose and picks him back up. “You want to give Allisonand Petey their invitations, too, don’t you? Shall we go over so you can play with them for a few hours, and you can tell them all about the party? I hear there will be dino and digger tattoos in the goody bags.”
