“That’s something he wouldn’t have shared with you lightly,” she says as she goes back to packing. “And did you run?”
“No.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“Did you want to?” She shrugs. “Some women would.”
I think about it. About the way he looked at me across the table. The way he braced for something that never came.
“No,” I say again, quieter this time.
She nods once, like that matters. “Good.”
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
Her right eyebrow aches to an uncharacteristic height, nearly grazing her hairline. “You usually do.”
“You and Larry… did you ever question it? Like—if it was the right kind of love? If it would last?”
Her expression changes as she thinks about her words. I can tell she’s choosing them carefully.
“When I said to your grandfather ‘until death do us part,’” she says slowly, “I meant it.” There’s no hesitation. No doubt.
“I didn’t marry him because I thought it would be easy,” she adds. “I married him because I knew I wanted him beside me, even when it wasn’t. So now, with Larry, I don’t question things either.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because, my dear girl,” she says, reaching out to stroke the top of my head in the way only grandmothers can do, “I’ve been lucky enough to have fallen in love with two men in my lifetime, and two that matter. So I don’t worry about it lasting. I worry about showing up.”
She gives a pop of her hip, and spins in a circle, eliciting a laugh out of me.
“You’ve always shown up for people, Grandma,” I remind her. “I think that’s one of the reasons I like helping so much, too.”
“I feel like I may have ruined you with my way of parenting.”
“At least you were in a position to be my parent.”
“Not everyone is built the same way, Vivian,” she continues, gentler now, the subject quietly turning. “Some people aren’t made to nurture.”
I don’t need to ask to know exactly who she’s talking about, but she answers anyway.
“Your mother…” A small pause. “She just doesn’t know how to be maternal, but she loves you even when it doesn’t feel like it.”
I nod, even if it still feels like something out of a fantasy novel. “I think I’m used to it by now.”
“You’re tough,” she says, kissing my cheek as she dances past. “And one day she’ll show up, and you’ll get to decide how she fits into your world. Until then, I want you to make sure you find your happiness. What Vivian needs.”
I’m busy thinking about what it is I need when my phone buzzes again.
Ty:
It was weird I didn’t see you yesterday. I wanted to.
Well, that undoes me.
I wanted that, too.
I glance up at my grandmother, who’s watching me with that same knowing look.
“You know, I hope he sticks around. I like hockey and I’m happy to be your plus-one for a game this fall.”
