I look at him. “You do?”
“Yeah,” he says gently. “Because he has you. You’ve given him everything he ever needs to know he’s loved.”
The words land deep. Deeper than I’d expect.
We’re standing closer than before. I hadn’t noticed the distance shrinking; I only know that the room feels smaller. Warmer. The lamp in the corner throws a soft pool of light around us, catching on his jaw, the faint crease between his brows.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit quietly. “With you. I haven’t done this in a long time. Which is why I should put the brakes on now.”
“Put on the brakes?” Sawyer’s head tilts to one side as he sizes me up. “I don’t understand…”
“I can see my son falling in love with you, and that scares me more than giving youmyheart.” I wrap my arms around myself, wanting to be hugged but needing to be independent. “Life and experience has taught me that if you go away, I will pick myself up and be okay eventually.”
“Don’t you think you might be jumping to a conclusion here?” Sawyer asks, but I hold my hand up to stop him.
“I’m a single mother who has to look at all angles of any given situation, especially when it comes to my child. Your time at the shop comes to an end soon, so we should call it now.”
Sawyer goes quiet. “Hey, hold on. Maybe we should take a few days to step back, think about things?”
I shake my head. I’ve been thinking about things since David left us, always trying to stay a beat or two ahead of the world in order to keep it safe for Theo. My mom job is to raise a thoughtful boy into an emotionally intelligent man, and as his mother I can see the path forward clearly. I know what I need to do. It doesn’t mean I like that I have to do it, though.
“It’s not about me, what I want. It’s about a kid who could get confused and think of you as a replacement dad. He’s getting attached, Sawyer. I’m not prepared to emotionally handle picking up the pieces for anyone ever again. I just want my son to hold onto his childlike, free-spirited self for as long as he can before the world rises up to greet him and show him what it’s really like out there.”
Sawyer exhales, like he’s been holding something back. His mouth curves, not playful, not polished. Just honest. “But I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
My heart flips as his hand lifts slowly, like he’s giving me time to stop him. I don’t. His fingers brush my cheek, warm and careful, his thumb resting just under my eye.
“You’re amazing,” he says softly. “Inside and out. You know that, right?”
A breathy laugh escapes me. “I’m a mess.”
He smiles. “You’re amazing anyway.”
“I’m sorry, Sawyer,” I whisper, “I’ll email Carol and her team. I’ll tell them you completed the hours, but I have to put a halt to whatever this could be now, before it gets really murky.”
He smiles, soft and knowing. “I can’t change your mind, can I?”
I want to ask him to do his best, because a huge part of me would love it if he could. But I don’t. Instead, I flex my hands, willing myself more strength.
Sawyer’s expression falls, the post-game glow of the playoffs win long gone as he waits for another beat. “We don’t have to rush this. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you might,” I blurt before I can stop myself. The words tumble out of my mouth, leaving me wishing I could shove them right back in.
“You said Theo’s falling in love with me.” His hand slides to my arm. “You never said how you feel.”
His words hit me like a slap in the face. How do I feel? I know exactly how I feel. I am falling just as hard, if not harder, and that’s a double whammy I can’t handle right now.
Sawyer waits patiently for me to respond, but when I don’t he simply nods before he pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me.
“I didn’t think tonight would end like this,” he says softly, his words brushing through my hair. He pulls me closer, as if memorizing the shape of my body before letting go.
“That makes two of us,” I whisper.
He steps back, hands shoved into his pockets. “Just know, I’ll be wherever you need me to be. That’s not going to change.”
With that, he gives me one last look, and heads for the door.
When it closes behind him, the silence rushes in. I lean back against the wood, pressing my palms flat against it, fully aware that the ache spreading through my chest is self-inflicted this time.
