“We have a lot of animals here. Some don’t get along. Others? Best friends. Did you know that we have four dogs here? Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. They are all different sizes and breeds and ages. Winter is just a puppy, and he’s always after someone to play with him.”
“Could you get a move on?” Bloody hell, the woman was annoying.
“Do you have any bags?” I asked Bailey, who just shook his head.
“He’s got no luggage?” I turned to the woman, who just shrugged her shoulders. Okay. We’d had this before too, and we did have clothes. Spare stuff. Hopefully everything the kid would need.
“No worries.” I smiled. “Just means you and I have to go shopping, Bailey. Will be fine.”
I wasn’t sure it would be. But then this kid took my hand and let me help him out of the car, standing there letting the rain drench him. The human in me wanted to just scoop him up and hug him. Headmaster Riley? He just gave the boy a slap on the shoulder and a nudge towards Jones, who was giving the boy a little salute and holding the gates open.
Another stray. And for a small second, all the flashbacks hit me right where I didn’t need them. My own life. A frightened boy dropped off at this very gate, being told to man up and stop the childish tears.
I’d just been a child. A small boy, with a fancy suitcase, hoping his mother would just turn around and tell him it was all a bad joke. Bring him back home and let him just live. He wasn’t any trouble, was he? And maybe he sometimes got angry and maybe he sometimes misbehaved and maybe his mother’s boyfriend didn’t have to come over all the time and maybe?
And maybe things? Would be fine.
Things were fine here. Absolutely fine.
I did the right thing and handed the now-soaked child to Mrs McAuley in Spring House, not having to give any instructions as such. We knew thedrill here, and perhaps Emma had been right, suggesting we keep our wards of state together for now. Winter was still unoccupied, and maybe…
Fuck.
I needed to get sharp, and get my head together. Because now I was walking past the teachers’ accommodation block, a modern barn conversion with little dainty balconies at the back. We had planning permission for more housing, should we require it. I could build myself a little house here, honestly I could! Nothing fancy, but we could justify it this year, bringing more teaching staff from afar, and with Jones going on paternity leave, we’d be accommodating…
I was deflecting again.
We were fine for accommodation. I lived in my office. Well, next door. And my juvenile daydreams in my head were just that. Daydreams. There was no way Noah would give up his life and come live in my little cupboard of a bedroom. What would he even do up here? Take over our surgery in Lochgilphead? I doubted Dr McDougall would agree to that, and the one up in Oban? In winter, you had to cross the fells, and it was not a fun road when the snow hit. Did…
Shit.
Stop it, Fox!There was no future with Noah. Apart from the occasional phone call and…
I sprinted back to my place, bypassing the office where Terrence was calling for me, but I just needed.
Oh my almighty whatever. I pushed the door open, rushed past my little table, almost tripping over the one chair I owned, past my sofa and into the bedroom, where I picked up my phone and texted him.
We absolutely needed to talk. We needed to talk about important things. Which I told him.We need to talk!My desperation screaming at him on that screen.
I sent it before it hit me what I’d done. I was miles ahead of him, and he was not where I was and I was being incredibly stupid and irresponsible with not only my own feelings but.
My expectations were insane.
So I slammed the phone back on my bedside table and went back to work.
The day went on, and we finalised our revised classroom plan, laid out the accommodation charts and booked my evaluation chats with my teaching staff. I once again ignored signing off on the tax return, and ended up sat at my desk staring at Bailey Butcher’s file. I should have locked it away with our other student files, but the kid? He reminded me of something I didn’t want to remember. Something that was long gone and forgotten, most of the time.
And me? Being me? I took the file with me next door and made myself a cup of tea. I never did, but today? I needed one. A sloppy proper tea in a mug in my tiny kitchenette.
I didn’t have milk here because I was a lazy human and Cook always sent me hot coffee, like clockwork. And now I was standing here with my pathetic tea bag, laughing at myself. Still holding the file. I couldn’t even remember having bought the tea bags, but clearly I had. Perhaps they had been here for years? No tea for me then.
And me? Being me? I substituted the hot, warm comfort drink for…the only alternative my brain could whip up. I went and grabbed my phone and dialled his number.
“Hey,” he said. Funny how his voice sent so many emotions through me. Warmth. Calm. Chest full of butterflies.
“Sorry, I just felt like talking to you. Went to make myself a cup of tea. I never do, but I remembered all the tea, and I fancied one. So now I amstanding here holding a tea bag that is probably vintage by now, and I have no milk. I can’t remember the last time I used this kettle.”
“Idiot,” he said. It was silly how much I smiled.
