Alijah grunts but does as I ask, instantly restoring my comfort as I return to the Chenell Parker book that has been giving me several reasons to bask in Alijah’s need to stay in bed. Silence echoes around the room, letting me know that Alijah has fallen asleep so quickly. I get lost between the pages of my book until the room becomes darker, giving me a slight indication of the time.
“Lord, I ain’t even fed this man. I’m a horrible girlfriend.” My voice is but a whisper as I move with the speed of a turtle to unwrap myself from Alijah’s hold.
When I have successfully peeled myself from Alijah, I quietly leave the room and head toward the kitchen. I don’t remember the last time Alijah or I have eaten today. Food is necessary for both of us. Once I’m in the kitchen, I pull the refrigerator open and assess the contents before I make a quick decision about what to prepare.
“Grilled cheese and chicken soup for him, and grilled turkey and cheese with some chips for me. This is a different birthday dinner, but it’ll have to do.”
I close the refrigerator and go about the business of making an easy dinner for my man and me, one he can handle in his state. The minimal meal takes me all of fifteen minutes to prepare as I carry two plates back to the bedroom. Simple meal or not, the toasted bread, cheese, and hot meat cause my mouth to water. In the room, I place the plates on the nightstand and then return to the kitchen for the soup. Back in the room, I gently shake Alijah’s shoulder to wake him up so he can eat.
“Wake up, babe. You need to eat and take some meds.” My voice is gentle and soft as Alijah stirs awake.
Alijah doesn’t fuss or push back as he sinks his teeth into the grilled cheese like it’s a steak, and my ego immediately inflates. No words are exchanged between us as we complete our food.
“I appreciate you taking care of me, mama, especially on your birthday. You could have put my ass in a rideshare to go to the doctor or found something to do to enjoy your day. Instead, you’ve selflessly given up your holiday without making me eat it. Thank you.”
My heart sputters, and my stomach flutters with butterflies as I fight the urge to shed tears Alijah’s words shouldn’t incite. The genuine timbre of his raspy tone somehow makes his words more impactful. With a shaky voice and love in my eyes, I respond with the only words that are warranted.
“It’s not a problem.”
Alijah and I stare into each other’s eyes, and it feels like we’re both saying the three words that couples all across the world express when they reach the pivotal point of their relationship. Heat surges through my body the longer our eyes silently communicate the sweet nothings our mouths have yet to utter. Time feels like a betrayal of how I feel about this man. But I have always been the first to utter those infamous three words, so I break our gaze first so I don’t break. Going back to the food on my plate, I take another bite of my sandwich, and it’s a struggle to swallow around the lump in my throat. But I won’t break first; I can’t.
“Well,look who’s out of bed with a pep in their step,” I say days later when I look up from the coffee maker to see Alijah enter the room.
Alijah smiles a disarming and breath-stealing smile as he walks up to me and wraps his arms around my waist. His head rests in the nook of my neck, and again, I have to fight the urge to reveal my true feelings for him.
“I missed you in bed. But I decided it’s time for me to get back to work.”
“Yeah. I’m sure your coworker hasn’t jumped in to help you in your absence like you’ve done many times for him.” My smile can’t be helped as I recall an earlier conversation from the beginning of our arrangement.
Alijah chuckles in my neck before he squeezes me lightly, places a gentle kiss where his lips are, and then releases me completely. I feel his absence and his presence immediately. The time I’ve spent with this man has me out of sorts and more comfortable than I’ve been with any other man. I’m not quite sure how to reconcile my feelings or process the flood of emotions that courses through me. I continue sipping my coffee while trying not to let the words spin like a record player in my mind.
Tell him, chicken shit. What’s the worst that can happen?
The worst could be him not reciprocating my feelings. Then what?
You live to see another day.
I sigh heavily from that last statement because I’m not sure that a heartbreak from Alijah will be like any other I’ve dealt with. Being with Alijah has been different, uncomplicated, and more meaningful. Before, I’ve only regretted my inability to be like my mother. My pain has only stemmed from that reality. With Alijah, things aren’t nearly the same. This time, my heart has joined our arrangement.
Chapter 20
Alijah
Two Weeks Later . . .
“There’ll never be a better love,” I sing in Deshona’s ear as we sway from side to side.
Today is the first day of my attempt to redo Deshona’s failed birthday because of my illness. I could have kicked my own ass for not paying attention to the weather forecast. Getting sick fucked up my plans and had me on my ass for over a week. I felt bad about letting Deshona down, but I also confirmed my love for her during that time. Deshona never once complained about my inconveniencing her special day. For that, this weekend is all about me showing her how much I appreciate her selfless actions.
“Hmm.” Deshona hums as she tightens her grip around my waist.
We’re at Serenades of Midnight because their reviews, when I was searching for a grown-and-sexy atmosphere, automatically pulled me in. The old-school rhythm and blues music that’s been playing since we got here lets me know this won’t be the last time Deshona and I come here. I continue serenading Deshona along with the live band that’s performing, before I twirl her as wehead back to our table when the song ends. Deshona slides into the booth, and I slide in beside her as her stomach growls loudly.
“Oh damn. Let me find somebody so I can feed you.” I laugh.
Deshona covers her mouth as she giggles, and embarrassment flashes in her eyes.
“Embarrassment looks cute on you,” I tease.
