Chapter 16
Alijah
“Idon’t know, Korrena. This isn’t supposed to be anything but a living arrangement. A temporary one at that.”
I can’t hear the other person which tells me that Deshona has the phone up to her ear. But I still don’t move, as I’m interested in hearing more of the one-sided conversation. I just came in from the grocery store and was about to let Deshona know that dinner is on me tonight.
“Girl, no. His dick is A1, and it’s not even why I’m feeling him. We danced at his work event, and I felt cherished in his arms. The last time a man made me feel like that, I had to nurse myself back to normal because he had a wandering dick. Alijah isn’t my man, so how the hell am I gonna bounce back if I let myself fall for him?”
Silence ensues, and I wish I knew what was being said on the other end of the line. The urge to interrupt this call weighs heavily in my limbs. But the desire to see how it plays out overrides that feeling as I continue to eavesdrop like a creep. I have never been this man before, but after being blindsided by Monika, my feet won’t leave the spot I’m in.
“Yes.” Deshona’s low, single-word response snaps me back into the moment.
My chest tightens as pain radiates across the surface, while I hold my breath in wait for the words that are coming after this one that seems to fill Deshona with hesitation.
“Fucking is easy. Opening up my heart when my track record is blemished can be detrimental. I’m not sure.”
What the hell is her cousin saying to her, and how can I fix this shit?
Better yet, are you ready to try?
The counter-question from my conscience leads me to walk away and let Deshona have her privacy. Deshona’s assessment of opening herself up prompts me to wonder whether our interactions can be more than physical. The fact that I haven’t been able to stop fucking Deshona tells me that sex isn’t a problem. I entered this apartment, fresh on the heels of betrayal, and relationships, or the possibility of one, didn’t come into play. But now, the bounds of this arrangement mean I need to explore it. From the low, unsure tone of Deshona’s voice, I know we’re at a crossroads neither of us thought possible so soon.
Dinner momentarily forgotten, I walk out the front door and head to the elevator as my mind races with wayward thoughts. Those perceptions lead me off the elevator and out the front door of the complex. But I don’t go any further than a few paces away from the main entrance. I agree with Deshona that fucking isn’t complicated or requires any effort. I had given a woman access to my heart, and she didn’t care about the consequences of mishandling it.
How can I believe that Deshona will value what I have to offer outside of the orgasms my dick provides to her? Circumstances led us to this moment, but should they drive us to something romantic? The truth is, I’m feeling Deshona . . . a lot.But how can we even consider going down this road if we both have reservations?
Man, you don’t have reservations. Yes, Monika set you back. But she didn’t cause you to be broken to the point of ignoring what’s in your face. Stop being a bitch and go talk to that woman.
I nod at the person who passes me before I reenter the lobby and walk to the bank of elevators. It’s obvious that instead of talking to a third party, Deshona and I need to discuss what’s happening between us. We’re both too old to beat around the bush or avoid a subject that pertains to us. By the time the elevator arrives, other people are waiting, so the ride back to my floor takes five minutes instead of the seconds it normally takes. When I walk back through the front door, my eyes search the area as I note that Deshona isn’t in the living room or kitchen. I nod and head back to her bedroom as I shift through the spiel I want to lead the conversation with.
When I’m at her closed door, I blow air from my lungs and knock as I await her reply.
“Hold on, Korrena,” I hear before Deshona grants me permission to enter.
My phone rings just as I turn the knob and enter the room. Deshona sits on the floor with her legs crossed, an earpiece in her left ear. Several coloring books, crayons, and color pencils are beside her. I send Dre's call to voicemail and fire off a quick text to let him know I’ll call him back. Then I shift my focus to Deshona.
“Can we talk?”
Deshona’s eyes fill with curiosity as she nods before speaking to the person on her line. “Let me call you back later.” My brows hike when she smirks and disconnects her eyes from me. “Mhm. I promise.” She taps the earbud and then turns her attention to me.
Whatever you do, don’t tell on yourself. Oversharing is sucka shit.
With my nerves playing soccer in my stomach, I sit down on the floor across from Deshona. Unlike her, I spread my legs so they envelop her body within the area that they occupy. The air in the room shifts as Deshona and I lock eyes in a silent stare down. I can start this discussion in many ways, but then I’d be delaying what I really want to say. Internally, I give myself a forceful push and jump in.
“Do you see yourself dating again? I know we’ve talked a little about this, but what if I want to do more than fuck you?”
Deshona’s mouth opens and closes for a couple of seconds, and for some reason, it makes me keep speaking instead of giving her time to answer.
“I don’t usually deviate from my plans, but your little ass got me forgetting that I even had any. Usually, that would be a problem. But you just might be my favorite problem to have.”
Deshona’s breath hitches as her right hand hovers over her chest. Her eyes mix with mystery, desire, and something that I’m unable to identify due to how fast her reactions move.
“I don’t want to like you.”
I laugh because the concept and lack of confidence in her words contradict the statement.
“Hm. Cute. Your eyes, your pussy, and the shift in your breathing didn’t seem to get the memo.”
