“I know you didn’t put your traitorous ass lips on me, nigga.”
“I needed you to receive one final goodbye.”
Words ramble in my mind as my eyes fill with fire, and all I can do is point toward the door. My chest tightens, and a part of me feels like a failure when it comes to love. Another doomed relationship in two years and the weight of it has me wondering if I’ll ever find the one. When the door clicks behind and the reality of another breakup settles within me, hot tears slide from the corners of my eyes. For too many years, I have tried to outlive Mom’s prediction about men and what being entangled with them could do to me. Yet, on the heels of anotherman’s drama slamming into my attempt to disparage Mom, I’m beginning to lose hope.
“Men ain’t shit, Deshona. All they’re capable of is filling you with buckets of cum and empty promises. We don’t need them. Hell, we can take a trip to the sex store and choose matching vibrators. Ooh, I just bought a new dildo that will have you purring like a kitten. I’ll go back and get one for you too. I know that piece of dick you’re insisting on entertaining is gonna fuck up sooner than later. You’ll need a backup immediately.”
Mom’s words that echo in my mind cause my knees to buckle, and I crumble to the floor with my head in my hands. My shoulders shake from the intensity of the cries that leave my mouth. Melancholy and disappointment wash over me quickly as I struggle to contain my emotions. The words from a movie Mom often watched when I was growing up echo in my mind and slip from my mouth.
“What a heartache. Ooh, what a heartache you turned out to be.” I sing in my best yet broken karaoke version of Dolly Parton.
My heart cries as my mind takes me to the scene of Dolly Parton strumming her guitar at the reminder of a disappointment from dealing with a man.
“Another fucking soul tie to be broken. Ugh. Why me?”
My phone rings, forcing me to get up from the floor so I can answer it before it rolls over to my voicemail. The ringtone tells me who the caller is, and her timing couldn’t be more perfect because I need my sounding board in this moment.
“Hello,” I greet.
“You were on my mind, so I decided to call and see what’s new with you,” Korrena says.
A weak smile slides into place as warmth spreads across my chest. Korrena Edmonds is my first cousin and my best friend. She’s my rock in times when I feel unsteady like right now. She’sthe person I give my secrets to and the one who has always pledged to help me hide a body if I had to take a mofo out.
“What’s wrong, cousin?”
Without permission, more tears fall from my eyes from the gravity of my situation. Of all the things Mom could be right about, I wish my love life weren’t one of them. I take a minute to tell Korrena what just happened, my heart bleeding with each word I speak.
“Aw, I’m so sorry. But please don’t sit over there and allow Auntie’s man-bashing to infiltrate your system. All men won’t treat you this way, no matter how many of them turn into toads.”
I try to hold onto Korrena’s positivity, but another spiel from Mom enters my mind and takes root within my psyche.
“Dick comes a dime a dozen, and sometimes they’re not worth the strokes they pump into you. Maybe you should consider giving Doretha a try. Hell, eating pussy might be less problematic than allowing a man to slut you out before he leaves you high and unnecessarily wet.”
“Deshona!” Korrena’s shout of my name snaps me out of the conversation recall with Mom.
“Maybe I should have let Doretha take a bite out of my ass like she wanted.”
“Girl. You better quit playing with me.” Korrena cuts me off before I laugh lightly.
Mom and I were on one of our mother/daughter outings when Mom’s friend Belinda’s daughter screamed out how she wanted to take a bite out of my ass. I didn’t know who had made such a lewd statement until Mom and I turned around to see Doretha with a group of women. After I settled and picked my mouth up from the floor, I immediately texted Korrena.
“It might make Mom happy if I ate pussy like people eat oysters.” I shrug, although Korrena can’t see me.
“Sometimes love takes time. But most of the time, you have to wait for God to find the right person for you. If I had married the first man who treated me right, I’d be living in the cardboard mansion he occupies under that bridge downtown. Patience, even in the love department, is a virtue, my dear cousin. Don’t give up, no matter how many frogs you kiss along the way.”
“Easy for you to say. Your ass is happily married with one point five kids. Your husband is sexy as sin and treats you like your pussy is carved in gold. You don’t know my pain.”
I hang my head after I finish my spiel because Korrena has found her one, and love looks great on her. It has wrapped her in a blanket that oozes from her pores and shows in her strut.
“My man, my man, my man. But you, too, can achieve marriage and happiness. I don’t want you to give up. Maybe you should consider taking a dating pause so you can remove the scars and trauma from your past relationships. During that time, pray on it, pray over it, and pray through it. But be specific in those prayers, because sometimes God needs to know exactly what you want so you don’t blame him for another dud.”
I bite my bottom lip as another thought forms in my mind, and it sounds more promising than praying or taking a break like Korrena is suggesting.
“Nah, I think it’s time for me to move. I’m tired of the men in Columbus. I also need to separate myself from the toxicity of Mom’s man trauma. I’m leaving Columbus, but since I don’t want too much distance from you, I’ll go to Kaigood. That city is smaller and I’m sure less filled with wack ass men.”
Korrena immediately refutes my claims, but I tune her out as I open a search bar and explore all things Kaigood, Ohio. My mind is made up, and all I need to do is find an apartment. I’m a remote sales representative, so I can work from anywhere. I need a breather from comparing my life with Mom’s and see ifmaybe, just maybe I’m not suffering from the same man curse as her.
Chapter 2
