Sam isn’t coming yet.
Still naked, I reach for my bag and take out my Nintendo Switch, seeing the familiar Animal Crossing Island. Stiff from sleep, I pace the apartment, standing a few feet away from my balcony door.
Two figures look at me from their balcony, two away from my own.
Allof me.
To my horror I see they’re naked, too.
I quickly cross my legs, wave back, and then drop to the floor.
When faced with nude people, stop, drop, and roll.
‘I think you embarrassed him,’ came the woman’s voice.
‘He’s got nowt to be embarrassed by,’ the man replies. ‘A very nice member.’
Okay, so it’s fine. It’s just nudity. No big deal.
Now, how to explain why I stopped, dropped, and rolled?
Pretend I’m retrieving something.
I lift myself up, trying not to cover my body, but strategically place myself behind a plant on the balcony so I can address the naked couple before me. I clutch my Switch for moral support.
‘Good afternoon.’ My voice, which has adopted Queen’s English, betrays my fear, but I act as if talking to naked people is an everyday activity. ‘Lovely day we’re having.’
Weather. You were always safe with the weather.
‘Ow’s t’room?’ The man asks. ‘I’m Tim, by the way. This is me wife, Jemima.’
‘Tim and Jemima, hi,’ I say, determined to keep eye contact. ‘I’m Will.’
‘Will,’ Tim says. ‘One of our sons is called Will.’
‘We’re everywhere.’
‘Where there’s a Will, there’s a Wayne,’ Jemima sings.
Forcing a laugh was all I could do. What is she even on about?
‘So. You’re nude.’
Had to mention it. There’s no way we can pretend this isn’t happening.
‘Aye, absolutely,’ Tim says. ‘It’s a given in a hotel like this.’
Is that what the rich do? Swan around naked? Perhaps it’s just part of the luxury. As God intended, that sort of thing. An indulgence of one’s self. Expensive genitals, and all that.
‘Have you been here before?’
‘Athens?’
‘Aye, and the hotel?’ Jemima asks.
‘Never,’ I say, feeling the warmth on parts I never usually feel the warmth of the sun on. ‘Now I don’t ever want to leave.’
‘How much longer will you be around?’ Tim asks.
