‘Pretty good.’ The tears haven’t started yet. A good sign.
Alec Aniston, Ollie’s new fiancé, came on the scene when he met Ollie on a PhD course. Alec, who is probably related to Jennifer in some way, seemed perfect, because he wasn’t me. He fed the homeless, donated to charity, voted green, and campaigned for free higher education.
I had no reason to resent him. Even I want to vote green.
The woman who went on the quest for a spoon returns. My saviour. I offer her the first bite of chocolate cookie dough ice cream, because you have to be friendly to people, don’t you? She shakes her head at me as though I’ve lost my mind. Sad, because she doesn’t know what she’s done for my life. I might nominate her for a Pride of Cardiff award.
‘Am I being ridiculous?’
‘Not at all,’ Alice says, eyes wide. ‘He was your first genuine love. When did you last see him?’
‘About a year ago.’ We stayed friends, Ollie and I. Unusual, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. You don’t spend years of your life with someone just to stop talking to them the day he moves out with all the gifts you bought him over the years. But we drifted, inevitably so. I blamed Alec, pettily so.
Now, he’s a guy I observe through social media, wishing I’d never let him go.
‘And he didn’t tell you he was thinking about proposing to Alec?’
‘No.’
Ollie owes me no explanation, after all. But maybe heshouldhave let me know? I would have had time to prep.
Beep, goes the checkout till.Rattle,goes passing trolleys.
‘That’s plain rude.’ Alice, still lying on Cardiff’s Queen Street, says, ‘we need wine and a takeaway tonight, don’t we?’
‘I’ve already got the ice cream.’
‘He can’t do this to you.’
He can. Because Ollie is normal and he’s moved on. I’m the weird one for wishing, hoping, praying that Ollie would come back. He let me go, but I still love him, still hold out hope that we might one day pick up where we left off, and all would be right in the world once more: we’d re-join the EU. Labour wouldn’t be a wet blanket and would actually do something for the people. Fifth Harmony would get back together, Camila included.
Because the world was only right when I was Ollie’s.
Since Ollie, it has been impossible to let anyone else in. His life has expanded, and mine has stayed frozen in time, worried that if I changed, he wouldn’t recognise me and come back to me. I’m right where he left me.
Waiting.
Eternally.
Because that’s what relationships are all about: bringing the best out of each other. When Ollie left me, the best of me left with him.
I peaked with Ollie Pankhurst.
Ollie was my world.
I was nothing without him.
I was so stupid to let fear win. I should have said yes, and ignored how I really felt.
Chapter Two
WILL
‘Will, can wetalkfor amoment, please?’ My manager’s grating, sugary sweet tone stops me in my tracks. The elongation of every word makes me want to claw my skin off. ‘This isvitally important, and it is imperative that you dropeverything.’
I indicate my Tesco microwave meal spinning. ‘I’m just making my food and then?—’
‘No. My office. Now.’
