‘Will?’
‘Yes?’ I turn, seeing him watching me.
‘Are you coming?’
‘Hm?’
‘To the wedding? Will you be there?’ He pauses. ‘Please?’
If there was ever a time to spontaneously combust, now would be perfect. ‘Of course, Ollie. I’ve already accepted. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’
‘So, you’re going?’
‘Absolutely not,’ I say.
It’s the evening of my encounter with Ollie, and Alice and I are in my apartment. The rain is still pouring, as if it has come to mock me.
‘Good idea,’ Alice says.
‘I can’t afford it, anyway.’
‘You would go if you could?’
‘No!’ Yes.
Alice, in the kitchen, pours us a white wine. She feels at home here, and I like that. I don’t know why we never shared a home together, but it feels like we should have. Having her around just feels right.
When she comes to sit with me, she twirls her hand around her face, almost like how the queen might wave if she were still alive.
Something on her finger glints.
My eyes bulge and my mouth drops, along with my stomach. ‘Alice!’ I grab her hand, pulling her engagement finger towards me. A shining diamond reflects my strained expression as I arrange it into something that resembles joy, and not sinking despair. ‘What the hell?’ I look at her. ‘When?’
‘Last night,’ she says. ‘It was our anniversary.’
I let go of her hand, placing my own to my face. ‘I can’t believe I forgot.’
‘You’ve been preoccupied, don’t worry about it,’ she says. ‘We went to the theatre and he only goes and takes us up on stage during the interval. I don’t think he was allowed because the stewards came running, but hung back once they saw him get down on one knee. I was an absolute state, too, because of how hungover I was. And I’d already spotted a student from my class in the audience. Oh, it was not a vibe, and yet it was the most magical thing ever.’
She shines as she’s talking, and I beam like I’ve not just swallowed something sour. Alice met Jackson three years ago. Jackson is nice. Sensible. I like him.
‘Have you set a date yet?’
‘Oh God, no,’ Alice says, admiring her ring. ‘I feel like we’ll be engaged forever.’
I hope so. I can accept that. If she’s engaged forever, I won’t lose her and we can act like nothing has changed and…
Good God. What the hell am I thinking? Why do I have to be like this? This is Alice. My best friend, Alice, marryingherbest friend who isn’t me, because he isn’t gay and he’s her lover. The happiest moment of her life so far, and all I’m thinking about is what this means for me.
Get a grip, Will.
‘This is so exciting,’ I say, truly meaning it. ‘Where will you get married? Will I be bridesmaid? Actually, I could be maidof honour? Or… I don’t know. There should be more gender-neutral terms at weddings.’
‘Well, I thought maybe you might marry us.’
Laughter escapes me, hunching over. I cover my wine glass with my hand, trying not to let anything spill onto the laminated wood flooring. Alice is giggling too, but it’s light.
‘You’re serious?’
