He hit the post button and locked his phone, wondering if his update would make any difference.
‘It will be okay,’ Noah said. ‘What’s on your mind?’
Quinn held his coffee, the warmth tingling in his hands. His eyes focussed on the red, green, and white lights, his focus sliding until the colours blurred. ‘Harold has to do what he has to do. I guess he thought I was going to damage him and his business, but that wasn’t my intention at all.’
‘What was your intention?’
Quinn leaned forward, wiping his mouth in case he really did still have drool stuck to his chin. Thankfully, he didn’t. Smooth. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about how I ended up in this mess. I let it happen and I can only blame myself. Since Dad died, I’ve ignored things. I guess you could say I always had this fear of taking responsibility for anything, but also when I took responsibility, I had Dad there to ask advice. Mum, too. But when Dad died, things changed. I felt alone. Truly alone. Ever since, I’ve let myself get lost in the emotions of things. Get overwhelmed easily. I hid all these letters and avoided Harold because I thought I could ignore it and it would all go away. I guess Harold didn’t feel so bad taking this away from me because I hadn’t really formed a good bond with him.’
Noah moved closer, and Quinn’s breath hitched in his chest. ‘Don’t blame yourself.’
‘Oh, but I have to.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it’s my fault. I’ve been so pathetic and let things happen to me for too long. Forgetting I could make a change. Forgetting that if I didn’t like something, I could speak up and change things. I’ve sat on the fence for too long.’
Noah’s hand reached for Quinn, then he paused, seeming to think better of it. He let out a small, wistful sigh, giving Quinn a pitying look. ‘It’s family, too, isn’t it? That can’t be easy.’
‘I always worry about what others think and never think about myself.’ Quinn glanced at Noah’s hand, wishing it went all the way.
‘Time to be a little selfish, I think.’
‘It didn’t have to be this way,’ Quinn said as Noah sipped his coffee. The large pink mug he held suited him. ‘I told him so many times how my shop wasn’t in the way. Told him not to get rid of me. Let him know I needed this. He ignored it. There was every intention of keeping him and his business out of this. He’s panicked because an article put two and two together, and now he feels like he has to say something?’
‘I know, it’s crazy.’
‘What did he say?’
‘He said you had agreed to go, that you had a job offer in London and you were planning to move. That the shop could have moved into the castle, but you refused.’
‘Yeah, forgetting to mention the size of the so-called shop.’
Noah met Quinn’s eyes. ‘Are you considering London?’
Quinn shook his head. ‘Not at all.’
‘Shame.’
Quinn tried not to over think what he meant by that. Why was it a shame that he wasn’t considering London?
‘It wouldn’t suit me,’ Quinn said. ‘Besides, that job offer is one of those things where people say they’ll be waiting, but I bet if I went back to her now, she wouldn’t give me a job.’
‘Did they fill the position?’
‘I guess so.’
Quinn checked his own phone. Another missed call from his mum, and a text explaining that Harold was just ‘clearing his name’.
‘Any reaction yet to your statement?’
Quinn scrolled through the comments, stunned that so many people seemed to be willing to help. ‘I met an influencer the other day. She’s shared it and has clarified that Harold lied. Bloody hell, more followers, too. People don’t want this shop to go.’
‘Because it’s a special shop,’ Noah said.
‘You think so?’
‘Quinn, Hay needs a gay bookshop,’ Noah said.
