Bax didn’t respond.He turned and nodded out the door to his wife.She flashed me a sympathetic smile.Maybe she believed what I’d said was true, but she hadn’t grown up with me.She hadn’t been a witness to my descent into addiction.I’d never lied to her or stolen from her.I’d never let her down.
“We’ll discuss it later,” Bax said like the steadfast father he was, and he walked out the door, following Bea and Stu without a look back in my direction.
When they were gone and the happy sound of Stu’s questioning chatter faded away, we heard Bax’s truck grinding gravel behind Bea’s.Merv sat at the table, and I fell into my chair.I was surprised I hadn’t fallen straight down to the floor on my ass.
My kid!
God, he was beautiful, and his squeaky voice and wit filled me with so much unearned pride that I felt like I could burst into a million happy pieces.I saw his mama in him too.He had Kel’s nose and a little bit of her stubbornness and sass that I remembered from when we’d first met, but all of that had disappeared by the time she died.Addiction had stolen all her good parts, but now I felt them again with every sound and every move Stu made.
“Are you okay?”Merv asked as Abey and Brand took seats at the table with us.
I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.
“He’ll calm down,” Brand tried to assure me.
“It’s okay if he doesn’t,” I said quietly.“I’m pretty pissed at the same guy Bax is for the exact same reason.”
“Dixon,” Abey said, grabbing my hand and squeezing.“Maybe it would be good for you toshowBax that you’re different.What are your plans for work and housing?We have an inn on the property now.You could stay there or in one of the cabins.”
“He’ll stay here with me,” Merv said.“His room has been waitin’ for him since the day I moved in.”
“No,” I said.“Thank you, Mama.I appreciate the offer, but I need space.And I won’t stay on the farm.It’s too close to Bax and Stu.I don’t wanna push Bax.For now, I planned to rent a room in town.”
“A room?”
“Yeah.Didn’t there used to be a boarding house close to downtown?Is it still there?”
Abey nodded.“Mrs.Ellison’s place.”
“What about money?”Brand asked.“A weekly rental won’t be cheap.”
“I’ve got it covered,” I assured him before he offered to pay.He’d spent enough of his hard-earned money on me.
Merv frowned and shook her head.“Don’t you want to be here with me?Won’t you be lonely?”
“I’ve been alone for a long time, Mama.I like the silence, and Abey’s right.I need to prove to Bax and Stu both that I have no plans to mooch off anybody or invade their lives uninvited.I meant what I told Bax.I’m here to stay, but I don’t wanna disrupt Stu’s world or cause trouble.I just want to earn the right to be in his life in some small way.”I turned to Abey.“Can you give me a lift to the rental place?”
“Right now?”
“Yeah.”
Abey’s eyes darted to Merv.I knew my mama would be disappointed.She’d always fussed over me, even more than my brothers and sister, and it felt like she wanted to now, but I’d just seen my son for the first time in more than four years, and I needed to process the clusterfuck of feelings bubbling up inside me.
If Merv crowded me and smothered me the way she used to, I’d be right back where I was before the drugs.Until she and I could talk and hash out our past, I needed to maintain a careful distance.It was the only thing keeping me sane.
The last two hours had been filled with more emotion than I’d let myself feel in a very long time, and it was starting to be too much.
“But you just got here,” Merv said, the wounded sound of her voice making my decision to get some space even more right.
I stood and promised, “I’ll be back, but I need to find a place to stay and a car.Tomorrow, I need to start lookin’ for a job.Once I do all that, I’ll come back to tell you about it.There’s a lot you and I need to talk about.”
Merv’s eyes lowered for a few seconds, but then they lifted back up to mine.She took a deep breath.“Yes, there is.”
ChapterSeven
Avery Jane
The fifth callin two days from the same unknown number told me exactly who had been calling.
