"I want to."
I slide past them to refill the case. Their conversation continues, something about Luke's truck and parts and labor costs. I arrange donuts and try not to think about Ethan's hands on my truck. Ethan's hands in general.
A customer approaches, and I help her while Luke and Ethan keep talking. The normalcy of it makes everything worse. This is what it would be like if things were different, if Ethan could just be here without me wishing it meant more than it does
But it does mean something.
It means everything.
"Callie." Luke's voice pulls me back. "We're gonna grab lunch, you want anything?"
"I'm good."
"You sure? You've been here since five."
"I'm sure."
They leave together. The door swings shut behind them, and then I'm alone with a shop full of strangers and the ghost of Ethan's presence behind my counter.
I clean, wipe down surfaces that don't need wiping. I rearrange donuts that are already perfectly arranged, anything to keep moving.
My phone buzzes.
Ethan: You should eat something.
I stare at the message. He's been gone less than five minutes and he's already texting me. I should ignore it, I should focus on work.
Me: I'm fine.
Ethan: You always say that.
Me: Because it's always true.
The dots appear and disappear. Appear again. No message comes.
Luke and Ethan return twenty minutes later with sandwiches from the deli. Luke hands me one.
"I said I was fine," I tell him.
"And I ignored you. Eat."
I take the sandwich because arguing will just make him suspicious. We eat standing around the counter. The shop isquiet, there are just a couple sitting by the window and an old man reading the paper.
"Thanks for the help earlier," I tell Ethan.
He shrugs. "No problem."
"Seriously, I didn't expect the rush."
"Saturdays are always busy," Luke says around a bite of his sandwich. "You should hire someone."
"I can't afford anyone."
"You can't afford to work yourself to death either."
We've had this argument before. I don't want to have it again in front of Ethan.
"I'll think about it," I say, which is what I always say.
