I leaned against it, eyes shut for a moment as I caught my breath. She didn’t follow. Perhaps she couldn’t. I understood so little about how the magic in the castle worked, or if there were any logic to it at all.
I opened my eyes, and went cold.
The Witch –myWitch – stood waiting for me.
The anguish I had seen was gone. Now her anger was honed like a fine blade, cold steel sharpened and oiled until she could cut me with just a whisper.
‘I’m sorry.’ I didn’t know what else I could say.
Her eyes narrowed, a dangerous brightness there, like a cat that, having cornered its prey, knows it can take a moment to play.
‘Sorry?’ she hissed.
‘I intruded into your space, but I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
She came alive at that, eyes flashing and lips pulling back in a snarl. ‘Youcould never hurtme.’
I had never been any good at arguments. I avoided them if I could. If someone hurt me I ignored it, or ignored them. Stay apart, stay quiet, and send myself into exile to the trees. It was easier that way.
My back was pressed up against the door like the weight of the castle could lend me support. I had landed my full weight on my ankle in my flight and it sang in pain.
There was no way I could escape this.
I could only go through it.
‘I saw the letter you were reading,’ I said.
‘You read it?’
‘No, but I saw the black border. I know you lost someone. I’m so sorry.’
‘Do you think Icarewhat you think just because I stopped you freezing to death like an idiot?’ she spat. For a moment I thought about scrambling back through the door to last Tuesday and throwing myself on the mercy of the past Witch. I would find no quarter here. ‘Do you think I want to tell you my feelings as we braid our hair? You were a problem, and I solved it. That isall.’
The blow landed better than she could have imagined.
‘If I am a problem it is only because you brought me here,’ I said and thought of all the times I should have said it to my father but hadn’t been brave enough. ‘Why does it matter to you what I do if you think so little of me?’
‘Because my business ismineand mine alone. You have a whole damn castle to yourself and yet you insist on trampling through the one space you are kept out of. Do you understand the word “private” or are stupid little rich girls like you incapable of conceiving of the notion that their presence isn’t wanted absolutely everywhere they go?’
If only she knew how well I understood what it was to be not wanted.
I fell silent and she met it with a sneer.
A bubble of panic swelled. With me duly reprimanded, I could see her readying to leave, her attention drifting. She would leave me entirely alone again and Icould not bear it.
‘Wait.’
‘Excuse me?’ Fresh unfamiliar shock of being spoken back to.
‘You can be as mean to me as you like,’ I continued, ‘but I won’t stay out of your way.’ The fear of that loneliness had broken me open. I felt again the desperation I had the night the Witch had come to my father. I was going to do something rash, because it was better than carrying the pain.
‘For god’s sake, why?’
I looked her direct in the eye, the truth plain between us. And I told her: ‘Because I amlonely.’
And there it was. The truth of the matter.
‘I will make you an offer.’
