But he spoke instead. ‘Take care of yourself,Princesse,’ hesaid, trademark hand in his hair. ‘The sea will still be here. If you ever come back.’ He smiled. But it was a sad smile, one I never wanted to see. Not from him. Not from Antoine, who was so impossibly sure of himself.
But I couldn’t think of anything to say. There were no more words. None that wouldn’t bring another flood of tears.
I turned and walked across the beach, which looked peaceful now that the worst of the weather had passed. A stark contrast to the weight of the storm clouds inside me that felt like they’d never lift.
37
The next morning, I woke up at five thirty. Not to train, but because I owed it to Delphine to tell her in person that I couldn’t stay. And that I wasn’t doing the qualifier.
When I got to the beach, the sun was attempting to rise and Delphine smiled when she saw me.
‘You are late, Margot! We need to make up for our missed session yesterday.’
I slowed down, reluctant to have another conversation that just left me feeling empty.
I didn’t go straight to the rack of surfboards like I usually did, didn’t dump my stuff in the usual spot. I just stood there trying to work out what to say.
‘What is wrong?’ she asked, putting down the tin of board wax in her hand. ‘You are OK?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t do it.’
‘You can, Margot! You are brilliant,’ she said.
I wished so hard that’s all it was. A crisis of confidence.
I shook my head. ‘My sister, her operation has been moved forward, and we have to leave. Tomorrow.’
‘Oh …’ Delphine said as the information hit home. ‘Family. Itisimportant.’ Her voice was laced with disappointment.
I nodded.
‘But so areyou…’
‘It’s for the best anyway. I mean, it was unrealistic to think that I could qualify and stay in France by myself. And Felix and Antoine, it’s all such a mess.’ Now I was the one with my hand in my hair. It got stuck in my tangled curls.
‘Margot!Non!’ Delphine said with conviction, and it made me look up at her in confusion.
‘No?’
‘If I can say one thing it is that you shouldnevermake your decisions based on boys. It isyouandyourlife. They might be a part of your life, but we must make our own decisions. You are eighteen,non?’
I nodded.
‘Well then you must make your own decisions. You are an adult now, and you must act like one.’ She’d gone back to the frosty tone I knew from a couple of weeks ago. ‘Your sister. That is a different decision, but do not let Felix or Antoine influence what you want from your life. Do you understand what I am saying?’ She paused. ‘I can tell you a secret?’
‘Of course.’
‘I nearly quit surfing because of a boy … Antoine …’
I looked at her in shock. ‘Seriously?’
‘Very seriously. When we broke up, everything reminded me of him, and I stopped surfing for a few weeks. But then I realized that it was a stupid way to live. Things, they change,people change, but it does not mean that you must lose everything connected to a bad experience.’
I nodded in semi-agreement. I got it. I really did. But Rue’s operation was still happening, and what kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t there too?
‘Just think carefully before you make any decisions. I will not take your name out. Not yet. I will see you for your sisters’ lesson?’
I nodded.
