‘And I’d like you to be there,’ I said.
‘As your coach?’
‘Delphine is my coach,’ I reminded him. ‘Just as … whatever this is.’ I motioned between us.
‘Whatever this is …’ he repeated.
‘Complicated is what it is.’
‘You like that word. Complicated.’
‘It seems to come in handy here,’ I said. He’d moved closer, so he was inches from me, and I was staring straight into his blue eyes. ‘Delphine says that my technique has really improved, and that I have really good … instincts.’ I whispered the last part.
Antoine nodded, intrigued. ‘And what do your instincts tell you now?’ he asked, his voice rough from his fight with Felix.
‘That maybe some waves are worth the risk.’
And with that I opened the door, before turning to face him again. ‘Bonne nuit, Antoine.’ I got out of the van.
‘Bonne nuit, Margot.’ And our eyes held each other’s gaze for longer than necessary. Or maybe not long enough.
I closed the door and walked back to our mobile home, feeling his eyes on me until I was out of sight.
Everyone was asleep when I got in, which I was happy about. I didn’t want any questions, or to have to try to come up with answers when my head was a tangled mess of newinformation, painful realizations, guilt, secrets and a yearning so strong that when I went to bed, Antoine was the only thing I was thinking about.
I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. And that was kind of why I didn’t, right there in the van. I liked the not knowing, I liked creating a whole narrative in my head of us kissing on the beach, against the soaking, salty rocks at the surfer’s cove. His hands, coarse from the surfboards, gentle but firm on my lower back, pulling me into him.
And then I fell asleep to the lullaby of the ocean and the unmistakable growing waves of desire.
34
It was hard to wake up the next morning. The dawn sessions and late nights were catching up with me, and when my alarm beeped at four thirty, I almost reached over and turned it off. But then I stopped myself. I wanted this.Iwanted to surf,Iwanted to compete. So I needed to get up.
I dragged myself out of bed, put on a bikini and the borrowed rash vest, then sneaked out the door, more quietly than ever.
Delphine grinned when she saw me. And I’d never seen it before, Delphine smiling like that. She waved at me from down the beach and when I reached her, she kissed me on both cheeks.
‘Margot! You came. Antoine told me that you said that I am your instructor. Now we can train back in the usual spot. Unless you do not feel like you can?’ Delphine looked into my eyes, searching for fear. Fear that wasn’t there. I’d rationalized it in my head. I knew the qualifier would be held at that same stretch of beach, so I’d made myself think about it logically. There was no difference where I surfed. All water could be dangerous in the wrong conditions. And I’d rather practise where the competition would be.
‘Let’s go,’ I agreed. And she nodded.
‘I was not sure if you would come back after last night. It was a bit intense.Non?’ she said as we walked along the sand.
When we got to Antoine’s hut, Delphine went straight to the rack and pulled out a surfboard. Antoine’s black surfboard.
‘Oh no, that’s –’ I protested.
‘I told her to use it.’ I heard Antoine’s voice before I saw him. Then he emerged from the back of the surf hut, a length of rope slung round his neck. And, for the first time, my words got properly stuck in my throat. So I coughed.
‘Oh, thanks,’ I said, heat rising through my body as I remembered all the things we’d done in my head last night. I turned away, hoping he wouldn’t catch my blush.
‘Antoine is only watching. So do not worry.’
‘I wasn’t,’ I said, reaching for some board wax and crouching down to scrub it on the board.
I concentrated on it, trying not to miss anything. But my mind kept flicking to last night. The tension, the electric air, the daydreams …
‘You have missed a bit,Princesse.’
