‘We both are,’ Antoine added. Felix looked at him and I watched as Antoine gave him a brief nod. Like there was some new understanding between them.
‘And what about you two?’ I asked. They looked at each other. They didn’t smile, but they didn’t look like they wanted to kill each other either.
‘One day at a time,’ Felix said. Antoine simply nodded.
A girl with braids nudged me and handed me a cardboard cup filled with wine. I looked around to see that everyone had a cup and then I saw Sébastian standing on a rock, looking even taller than usual.
‘I will speak in English, because we have English-speaking company.’
That got some boos, but I was thankful.
‘Tonight is our annual bonfire. Year number three, when we, the surf community, gather to celebrate the life of the spectacular Gabriel Laurent. For three years we have been missing him at every surf session, every bonfire that he was too young for, and every sunset, when he said the water looked like magic.’
And now it made sense. Why Felix wanted to come tonight. Why this ‘party’ was different.
Sébastian took a moment, inhaling deeply then taking a drink of his wine.
‘I do not think I have told anyone this before. But one week before he died, Gabriel was at my lessons and he told me that his brothers taught him better than anyone else. And that they did not agree on anything, except the waves. He would tell everyone that his brothers were the best surfers in Biarritz. Which was quite rude because I was right there in front of him. But he was a Laurent. And so it was impossible to be angry at him. So tonight, we do not just remember Gabriel for who he was. But for what he loved the most. The ocean, the surfing community, his family.’
‘Gabriel,’ everyone said together. I could hear people crying, and when I looked at Antoine and Felix, both sets of eyes were glistening with tears. My heart ached for them. I took a sip of wine.
After that, everyone started to leave, and Antoine hung back to make sure all the fires had been put out properly.
‘Would you like me to drive you home?’ Antoine asked as I stood there, feeling awkward watching him.
I pointed at Felix, who was chatting to Delphine. ‘Felix drove me,’ I said. And at the sound of his name, he came over.
Antoine said something to Felix in French and he nodded before looking at me.
‘It will be cold on the Vespa. Maybe you should go back with Antoine tonight,’ he said.
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, concerned about him driving alone after so much emotion.
‘I will take Delphine.’ Felix smiled. ‘But I will see you tomorrow?’
‘Of course,’ I said.
As Felix and Delphine walked away, it felt like I’d made an unconscious choice. There I was, alone with Antoine and a million different thoughts, all contradicting each other.
But there was one thing that hadn’t changed. The electricity in the air.
33
Antoine’s van was just as messy as it had been the last time I’d been in it. I breathed it in, the scents of salt on damp clothes, board wax and engine oil, which to me were just the smells of Antoine now. The smell of all those lessons at the cove.
I twisted my curls in my fingers and rested my other hand on the gear stick. He turned on the engine and didn’t even ask me to move; he just put his hand on top of mine and shifted the gear stick in a sure, smooth motion. And I didn’t pull my hand away, because I liked it, the warmth that radiated right down to my bones and the familiar throb in my abdomen that I’d grown to expect whenever he was close.
‘Why did you come with me?’ he asked bluntly as we drove back towards the campsite.
I was taken aback by the directness of his question. But I knew the answer – more clearly now than ever, that Antoine drew me towards him like a magnet, with some invisible force that I didn’t really understand. ‘Because it would be cold on the Vespa.’ I smirked.
‘So you are able to listen to advice now?’
‘Very funny.’
I turned my head and gazed out the window, breathing on to the glass and moving my hand from the gear stick to doodle my name in the condensation.
‘You and Felix …’ Antoine said.
