I stared at the jar, turning it round and finding new pieces every time I did.
‘I love it. Thank you.’
He looked embarrassed. And I reached over and kissed his cheek gently. Then he put his hand on his face, as if to keep the kiss safe.
‘It is nice here. With your sisters.’
And just as he said it, Rue shouted ‘Ready!’ from next door, and he got up, taking the book with him.
He turned to smile at me before walking into their bedroom. I smiled back, so utterly content that I knew I could spend forever like this, in Felix’s company. Perfectly at peace. And then I waited for them to come. The hurricane of butterflies that made my heart malfunction. The way they did when I so much as looked at Antoine.
And as the realization of how I felt about Antoine dawned on me, consciously for the first time, a wave of sickening guilt replaced the hollow of non-existent butterflies I felt for Felix.
28
The next morning, I woke at five thirty. I was extra quiet, tiptoeing around and leaving doors slightly open.
The sky was a soft blue-grey when I walked to the beach, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until the sunrise was burning golden on the horizon. I looked down to the hut, squinting to see if Antoine was there. And he was. Just standing there, staring out at the ocean in a way that had become so familiar.
I turned and jogged the other way, towards the beach café, looking for Delphine.
‘Margot, you should have saved your energy for the actual run,’ Delphine said with a hint of a smile when she saw me.
I’d forgotten how hard it was to run on sand, and I was already out of breath. ‘Our run?! We’re not going in the water?’
‘Pas encore.Not yet,’ Delphine said, stretching her quads. ‘We will run. Every morning. What do you think? You are in?’ Delphine barely waited for me to nod. ‘Good. We go.’
I took off my sliders like Delphine had and we ran up the beach.
‘You have good stamina,’ Delphine remarked on our way back. And I smiled, even though I was gasping for breath and my lungs were burning. It wasn’t until we got to the space in front of the beach café that I managed to speak.
‘I was a swimmer,’ I reminded her.
‘Yes. Of course. This makes sense.’ Delphine pulled off her T-shirt and put on a rash vest.
‘Delphine?’ I said, still out of breath. ‘Do you have a spare vest?’
‘You can borrow one of Antoine’s.’ Delphine reached down into her rucksack and pulled out a top. She threw it at me and the scent of it caught me by surprise. Spicy, salty, Antoine. I held it to my chest before I pulled it over my head, breathing him in as I did.
‘That looks good on you.’ Delphine nodded in approval, and I looked down at the rash vest that fell over my bikini like a dress.
‘Thanks,’ I said, smiling.
‘Alors, allons-y.’ Delphine grabbed her board. ‘I brought you another board. I thought that maybe you would not want to use the same board as before …?’
Delphine’s words trailed off into the air as I took the board from her. An unexpected lurch in my stomach shocked me as I touched it.
‘You are OK?’ Delphine asked as we walked towards the water.
I nodded. ‘I’m ready.’I want this.
‘We do it then.’ Delphine smiled, and I followed her into the ocean. The last time I’d been here this early I’d almostdrowned. The water splashed round my waist.Déjà vuas we walked a bit deeper. I could feel Delphine’s eyes on me as my heart began to race.
‘It is OK if you want to stop,’ she said.
I shook my head. ‘No. I need to do this.’ And with that, I jumped on to my board, paddling out and showing the water that I wouldn’t let fear win.
We surfed wave after wave, and Delphine was harsh but fair, critiquing my technique and making me do something repeatedly until I got it right.
