Something caught in my throat when he said it. His tone was serious, sad, and reflexively I wanted to ask what it meant, but before I got the chance, he turned on the radio and we didn’t speak again until we got to our destination.
When he stopped the car and opened the door, all I could say was ‘Wow.’
He’d parked beside a rocky headland. And the view was mesmerizing. It was like I could see the whole ocean. The strength of the salted air threatened to make me stumble as I walked closer to the edge. I just stood there, gazing out at the beauty of it all.
When I turned to walk back to Antoine I almost lost my footing, but he was already there to grab my hand.
‘Never stand too close to the cliff.’ He tugged me gently away and nodded his head towards a little path. Antoine carried the boards, and I followed him down to a little cove, where the waves were bigger and more powerful than anything I’d seen before. The nerves were back. And not the good kind that warmed my stomach, but the kind that made me nauseous. The ones that had haunted me for the last few months of swimming.
‘We’re going in there?’ I asked, my voice filled with fear.
‘Not yet. Come.’
I followed Antoine on to some rocks, and we sat down, so close that his leg leaned warm and heavy against mine. ‘Watch first. Read the waves.’ Antoine pointed to the water, to the waves that crashed over each other in wild peaks. ‘Do you see the third wave in each set? That is where it is magic. But it is also where people get hurt if they are not ready.’
‘Do you think I’m ready?’ I squinted up at him in the sun. But he kept looking at the water.
‘I think that you could be.’
‘Delphine mentionedLa Vague d’Or,’ I said, testing his reaction.
He made a disapproving noise with his exhale. ‘Competitions make surfing about winning instead of just understanding the water. The beauty. The strength. The danger.’
‘But can’t it be all of that? And winning too?’ I asked. Before he could answer, I continued. ‘I used to compete. In swimming. I know what it’s like to lose the joy in something because of all the pressure, and to regret walking away … but I also know how good it feels to win.’
‘Why did you quit?’ he asked, his eyes on me, not the water this time.
‘I don’t know. I guess I let it get bigger than me. I forgot about the love of the water, and I let everything else get in the way. Pressure. Family. Rue. I don’t know, maybe it felt like I was taking up too much time when she needed my parents. Maybe I just got scared of failing.’ I shrugged in the warm breeze. ‘I don’t really know.’
Antoine inhaled, gazing at the water again.
‘Do you miss it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Everyone who loves the water must decide if fear or love is stronger. Come on, let us see what you choose.’ Antoine stood up and took my hand.
He helped me off the rocks and we picked up our boards.
Everything felt different in the water here. The waves wereso much bigger. More powerful. I let Antoine guide me into position and listened to every single word he said.
‘Feel that pull? Do you feel it, Margot?’ Antoine was right beside me, his hand on my board, steadying it. His fingers brushed the top of my thigh. And I felt that too.
‘I feel it.’
‘Then use it,’ he said, and pushed my board. I paddled hard. Standing up was trickier than it had been before. But when I did, it was like magic. The water felt like it was alive, like it was a lion I was taming. The ride was cleaner, longer, and a thrill surged through my veins like nothing I’d ever felt.
And when I paddled back out towards Antoine, he smiled.
‘Good. Now try one without my help.’
Good.I repeated it in my head. Every compliment, every piece of encouragement from Antoine made me desperte for more. So I pushed myself even harder the next time, drunk on the look on his face when I did better than he expected.
Afterwards we sat on the rocks again, our bodies soaked and muscles aching. ‘Do you bring all your students here?’ I asked.
Antoine shook his head.
‘Why me?’
