‘I love it,’ I said. ‘Do you come here a lot?’ I rubbed a sunflower petal between my fingers.
‘I come here when I want to forget dark things,’ he said with a sigh. ‘I try to be like the sunflowers. Turn towards the light.’
‘Dark things?’ I asked, startled by the sadness in his tone. I turned to look at him and his expression matched his words.
‘Ouais, like when you miss someone.’ He shrugged and pushed a sunflower out of his way. ‘You know, “I miss you” in French isTu me manques.It means “You are missing from me”, like you are part of the same thing. The same entity.’ He looked through the field again, lost in thought.
‘I like that,’ I said, then added, ‘for the right person,’ when an image of Theo flashed in my mind before it disintegrated just as quickly.
‘Exactement,’ Felix smiled. ‘The right person.’
‘Who is missing from you?’ I asked.
He looked at his watch. ‘Maybe I should take you home now,’ he said, ignoring my question entirely.
11
When we got to the campsite, it was almost dark, and the air was cooler.
Felix walked me back to the mobile home in almost silence. It was a comfortable silence, but was tinged with something else. Something that hadn’t been said? Had something got lost in translation? But my worries evaporated when we reached my place and Felix tugged my hand to stop me, turning me round to face him.
‘I had a really great time tonight,’ he said.
‘Me too,’ I said, relieved. He kissed me gently on each cheek, and my stomach sank as it hit me how much I’d wanted him toreallykiss me again. But I shook the thought away before it showed on my face. ‘Thank you, for the sunflowers.Les tournesols.They were really special.’ And I meant it. It felt like something I’d remember for the rest of my life.
‘Avec plaisir.I will see you tomorrow?’ Felix pushed his hand through his hair again, the way he did. A habit. Something else I’d remember. I loved that, after only a few days, I was noticing his quirks, his little nuances that exposed themselves one by one, like I was discovering all these separate parts of a patchwork quilt.
‘I’d like that.’
‘Goodnight, Margot,’ Felix said, turning away and walking a few steps before looking back to smile, catching me staring at him.
‘Night, Felix.’
When I walked through the door, muffled laughter made me look straight to Rue and Wren’s bedroom. I walked over and pushed the door open. They were both hiding under bedsheets, trying and failing to stifle their giggles.
‘We saw you kiss,’ Rue said, and they both laughed. They pushed off the sheets and sat up.
‘You didn’t actually. He just kissed my cheeks. You know they do that in France to say hello?’
‘They kiss?’ Rue made a face.
‘Just little ones.’ I made a tiny motion with my fingers on her cheeks.
‘I like that,’ said Wren.
‘Why aren’t you asleep anyway?’ I asked.
‘We’re too excited about surfing tomorrow,’ said Rue.
‘It does look fun,’ I mused, and for the first time that evening my mind was back on the beach.
‘Maybe you should do lessons too,’ suggested Wren.
‘Maybe I should …’ I said as I closed their door. I took a few steps into my room, set an alarm for six a.m., and fell asleep with a smile on my face.
The next morning, I woke feeling full of energy, as if my body had decided to tell me to get up and go to the beach. And at swimming, I’d always been taught to listen to my body, so Ijumped out of bed and put on a bikini, shorts and a T-shirt. I briefly looked at myself in the mirror, deciding to leave my hair as it was, a mass of blonde curls, instead of attempting to tie it back. I crept out, trying not to wake anyone; I’d be back before they’d even notice I’d gone.
I gazed towards the Brasserie on my way past, but it was empty.
