“What if…what if it doesn’t change anything? What if I apologize and he still hates me?”
“That’s a chance you’re going to have to take. You can’t control his reaction.”
“I don’t know. I think I’d rather just let him hate me. If I open my heart to him again, who’s to say we wouldn’t cause each other more pain?”
Mireille’s fears mimicked Cassandra’s own tangled mess of a love life. Since the moment she’d met Tristan, it had been one pain after another, her heart bruising the more she’d exposed it to him.
“That’s the risk we all take though, don’t we?” She smiled wryly. “We delude ourselves into thinking it’s worth the pain. You take the bad along with the good. What’s the other option? To never experience love at all?”
“Do you regret it?” Mireille’s face was more open and raw than Cassandra had ever seen it. “Falling in love with Tristan, now that you know his fate may be tied to someone else?”
Cassandra’s chest constricted. “No. I will never regret it. The night I finally gave myself to him, I was done trying to protect my heart. I’d take as much time as he could offer me. I’d hoped it was going to be a little longer.” She shrugged. “Even though I only felt it for a short amount of time, I wouldn’t give up that love for anything. And perhaps…perhaps I will find it again.”
Cassandra didn’t know who she was trying to convince, herself or Mireille. The she-wolf was staring at her, brows pinched, like she didn’t quite believe it either.
But Mireille sighed, her face softening. “You are very wise for someone who’s only lived two decades.”
Cassandra snorted. “I’ve dealt with a lot in those two decades. Hopefully the next hundred will be a bit less dramatic.”
Mireille laughed. “And how are you so good at interpreting memories?”
“I lived a thousand different lives as a Shrouded Sister.” She leaned in, conspiratorially. “I used to keep the sexy memories.”
Mireille cocked an eyebrow. “Pervert.”
“You have no idea.” Cassandra snickered. “Though obviously nothing compares to the real act. It sounds silly, given that I’ve only had it a few times, but HighGodsI miss sex.”
Mireille blew a breath through pursed lips. “Me too.”
Cassandra’s brows rose. “Have you not… I mean, you’ve been here for… Not once in?—”
“Oh, I’ve had it. No, I missgoodsex. The kind that leaves your body hungry and aching fordaysafterward.” Mireille sighed. “So, this is what girlfriends do, huh? Sit around in a bath and talk about their feelings?”
“Pretty much. It’s fun, right? Do you feel better?”
Mireille tilted her head, assessing. “I’m not sure. Let’s talk more about sex. That was helping.”
Cassandra chuckled. “I told you, I don’t have much experience with it.”
“Oh please.” Mireille waved a hand, splashing through the water. “You went to bed with an Imperial Prince. From the oldest and most powerful Fae bloodline in Ethyrios. I highly doubt the experience gets much better than that.”
“Well,that’sdepressing.” Though deep down, Cassandra suspected Mireille wasn’t wrong.
And now it was Mireille’s turn to comfort Cassandra. “You don’t know for sure what that vision means. And even Ronin admitted that the Teles Chrysos onlythinkthat Tristan and Ione are fated. Your Turning might have changed everything.”
Cassandra rubbed her wrinkled fingers, shrugging, trying to snuff out the cruel ember of hope Mireille had just planted in her chest. “I guess we’ll see when we get out of here.”
“That’sthe spirit. So, details?”
Cassandra laughed again, despite herself. “He… It wasn’t even so much about the mechanics—though he was very,verygood at those—it was the way he made me feel. Like I was hismost important person. Like he worshiped every inch of my body. And he really paid attention, you know? To the things I liked. Every time he…”
“Don’t get shy on me now,” Mireille prodded. “You can say it. Every time he made you come?”
“Yes,” Cassandra blushed, some of her innate Sister-ly primness returning, “every time he made me come it was like he won something. Like he was playing my body as his own personal instrument. Making me sing just for him. My pleasure was even more important to him than his own. And I wanted to give that to him, too, you know? I’m not saying that meaningless sex can’t be pleasurable. Maybe when we get out of here and I find the courage to move on, I might even want some. But right now, I just… I can’t imagine it.”
“I know what you mean,” Mireille said, sadness snaking through her silver eyes. “But I will say this—don’t knock hate-fucking until you’ve tried it.”
Cassandra sputtered. “Isthatwhat you and Ronin have been doing during your sparring sessions?”
