The trumpet squeaked like a wounded duck each time it was employed.
When Miss Underwood declared that hens were ‘lazy this season’, Miss Hill replied that society in general had gone to the dogs. Their conversation made Charlotte suppress several smiles as the evening progressed.
It transpired, however, that they possessed a wealth of experience, having both served as governesses in their youth, and they readily dispensed unsolicited advice to Charlotte, who half listened while continuing her quiet survey of the room.
Miss Underwood leaned in and peered at Charlotte above her spectacles. ‘Rule number one: never let a child see fear. The moment they sense it, you’re doomed.’
‘Oh,’ Charlotte murmured, ‘Master Tom definitely senses fear.’
‘Of course he does,’ Miss Underwood sniffed. ‘You have the face of a rabbit.’
Charlotte blinked. ‘A rabbit?’
‘A startled rabbit,’ Miss Hill interjected helpfully. ‘One that would run at the drop of a hat.’
Miss Underwood nodded. ‘You must project authority. Children are like wolves: they only respect the loudest howl.’
Charlotte regarded them dubiously. ‘Should I... howl at him?’
Miss Hill perked up. ‘Yes, children respond to a good howl.’
Charlotte blushed violently. ‘I—I don’t think I’ll be howling.’
Miss Underwood sighed. ‘Fine. Then use the Governess Glare. Observe.’
She turned towards Miss Hill and glared at her.
Miss Hill stared back, unimpressed.
‘That,’ Miss Underwood said flatly, ‘is because she is immune. But to a child, my dear, it works like magic.’
Charlotte bit back a giggle.
Miss Hill cleared her throat. ‘Now this is very important.’ She leaned in dramatically. ‘Never let the boy have any pockets.’
Charlotte let out a small laugh. ‘I... don’t believe I can help that.’
Miss Hill tutted. ‘Of course you can—get some scissors and cut them off.’
Miss Underwood nodded. ‘If he has pockets,’ she said patiently, ‘he will put frogs and crawling, wriggling creatures in them—and leave them for you to find.’
Charlotte recalled her first week and replied grimly, ‘I have already endured this.’
Miss Underwood shook her head. ‘A most novice error. Never mind—we all live and learn.’
Miss Hill tapped her chin thoughtfully. ‘And another thing: always keep sweets in your apron. They work better than discipline.’
Miss Underwood glared. ‘Yes, Dottie. Bribe the boy into compliance. That’s why your pupils grew up spoiled and fat.’
Miss Hill huffed. ‘I’ll have you know my favourite pupil married a duke.’
‘He married the wrong sister because you introduced them in the dark,’ Miss Underwood countered.
Miss Hill sputtered. ‘That was one time.’
Charlotte burst into laughter, clutching her side.
Miss Underwood softened and patted her hand. ‘Listen, my dear. Children are simple creatures. Be firm, be kind, and never show fear.’
