And I couldn’t ask the boy with scars from carrying too much too far to let me carry some of it. Not when I had no idea how long I’d be something he had to carry. “Okay.” I looked away, too. “I'll trust you.”
A bit of sap crackled in the fire.
Vrathgar stood. “So you’re going to eat with her?”
Khal nodded. “Da will have her mollified somewhat by the evening.”
“She’s less likely to murder someone who ate by her hearth,” Tyralk piped up. Vrathgar silenced him with a glare. So we were reducing thelikelihoodof being murdered.
“No one is going to be murdered,” Khal said. He took another long draught from his mug.
Vrathgar grabbed something out of the rafters, some tiny bundle, and sat again. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“No. No offense, but you’re not the kind of backup I need.”
Vrathgar shrugged, looked at him appraisingly. “Is she still stronger than you?”
“Maybe,” Khal said. “But I’m faster.”
I almost choked. “Do you have tofightyour mother?”
Tyralk snickered. Khal shook his head. “No. Vrathgar is just…offering you additional protection. Which you do not need, because it will not come to violence tonight. Especially not for you.”
“Is she going to hurt you?” Horror was squeezing my throat, but Tyralk busted out laughing, and Vrathgar coughed.
“No, no.” Khal turned back towards me, speaking quickly. “No, parents don’t hurt their children, not like… I’ll be safe with her. No, if I fight someone, it will be someone else, alright? I am notfightingmy mother. Vrathgar is talking out of his ass, alright?” And Vrathgar snorted, but I watched Khal read my face, worry and pity in his eyes.
I looked away. “That’s fine then,” I said, meaningless words. Everything had been broken since the start; nothing was fine, but no one was going to bother to explain, because I was deadweight.
“Do you have what you need?” Vrathgar was asking.
“Yes. All I need is the staff.”
Vrathgar shook his head. “If you’re fighting a monster, you use tools for a monster. You’re good with thenarik,just use it.”
Khal sounded like he was miles away. “My cousin isn’t a monster, heart-brother.” His friend gave a snort. But I didn’t need to understand; this was not my people, this was not my place, and I didn’t need to understand-
A hand fell on my shoulder, and I jumped. Tyralk’s mother,Zhana, pulled back. She gestured towards me, and spoke, that flowing tongue. I wished I had power left to understand.
“She’s sorry she startled you,” Khal said. “She wants to offer you something to wear.”
I looked down at the peasant’s dress, hesitated. I had been wearing it for days now. Somehow, some way, it would need to be washed. But I didn’t want to part with it.
“A loan,” Khal said. “Till your husband can replace it. Zhana is not asking payment. She’s family to me. And you.” He didn’t meet my eyes.
“Would your mother like me better if I remained pathetic-looking?”
Tyralk snorted again. Khal didn’t flinch. “She respects strength.”
“Alright.” I stood, and bowed clumsily to Zhana. “Thank you.”
Moss glowed softly on the rafters of the backroom. I couldn't see well, not more than Zhana's silhouette and shapes of darkness that could be drapes or furniture. Perhaps she had never had a guest who couldn't see in the dark. I wasn’t about to ask for help, not when she moved so effortlessly. Fabric rustled.
Unfamiliar words murmured from the dark, and something soft pressed into my hands.
A curtain closed us off from the central room and any lingering light. Which was good; accidentally stripping in front of his friends because I couldn't see was a humiliation I wasn't looking for. “Thank you,” I said. “If I could…” I didn't want to grope in the dark, but in spite of myself I reached a hand out, to feel for a place to put the clothing. She led my hand to a shelf, and when I tried to pull the dress over my head, she helped.
The fabric was smooth and cool to the touch, but it was thick, almost heavy against my skin. The closures were simple, laces and ties. “Thank you,” I said, not knowing if she would understand. Her hand cupped my face, and she murmuredsomething. I didn’t know why my eyes pricked with tears, why the kindness of another woman made my throat ache with feelings I didn’t know how to name.
