"I haven't met many clerics."
"They're fascinating people." He stared into the fire, a little of the tension gone from his shoulders. "Less because they're fascinating, and more because they're still people." He looked up. "You'll like him though, anyway, my Da. He's a good man. He'll like you too. He respects bravery."
"Bravery." I traced the word. It seemed so foreign for one such as me. Bravery was for running, fighting, standing up to do things that needed to be done. Not whatever I was, whatever I did. Lying on my back. Saying yes.
"You both married orcs. There has to be a bond in that."
"Somehow I imagine our circumstances were different."
He hesitated, looking at me.
"What? Did I do something wrong?"
He leaned in, slowly, and I froze in place, like a deer, as his lips brushed against my forehead in a single, careful kiss.
He pulled back. "Don't worry," he said. "My father will like you. And my mother…" he tested the words. "My mother will change her mind."
I let myself take the moment, there by the firelight, tried to imagine the life he thought lay ahead of us. The orcs here were rough people, but they were no more brutal than the men I'd met on the warren streets or locked away in Belnor keep. And Khal-
No. No no no. Khal didn't deserve to be married to a lie.
Khal thought he'd stepped out and taken on a burden for an alliance that would help his people. He wasn't looking for a bastard daughter ready to be discarded when the magic didn't come through. I'd meant to rescue Thea from a harsh fate, but instead I'd stolen this fate from her, and from him. BecauseThea would have cried when her feet bled, Thea wouldn't draw monsters or bring trouble, Thea was the kind of person Khal needed- gentle and sweet and good at talking and ready to love the people in her life. Thea wasn't broken, and I was.
So it didn't matter what an orc chieftainess thought of me stealing an alliance with her son. I would never meet her. By the time they reached their encampment, I'd be away and gone. I'd be finding an existence where no one would put me in a cage and there was no one to disappoint.
Khal was undoing the straps to his pack, pulling something grayish green out from under a covering of leather. He started examining the earth, pushing the leaves and measuring the soil.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Making a place to sleep. You can't…you shouldn't lay out on the ground like that again."
"Oh. I…didn't know." My mouth was suddenly dry. I wondered if he'd mind if I borrowed his canteen without asking, just…he wouldn't mind. He was Khal. I unlaced it from the pack.
"I only have the one bedroll, but?—"
I choked and coughed, water dribbling down my chin.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine. I'm fine." My heart was racing. I must look like an idiot.
"But I have first watch, so you'll?—"
"No you don't, you idiot." The one with the heavy forehead rolled his eyes and spat. "You have taken double watches almost every night this trip. Go to bed with your wife before we make you."
Khal protested, "I haven't?—"
"Shut up, Khal!"
"My God, Khal, go to bed!"
A chorus of shouts drowned him out. I tightened my fists inthe dirt. My face was so hot, it had to be the color of a pomegranate pressed open. My heart was in my throat.
We were so close to the others, they didn't expect us to do something, did they? Were orcs public? Would Khal…
I forced my eyes up. Khal's olive face seemed as flushed as mine, his eyes set on the bedding he rolled out. It seemed like a wool outer layer with a lining of linen. And clearly the size for only one person.
"In the future we'll have something more suitable for you," he said. He avoided my gaze. "This…your addition was not…"
